Living in the Four Directions

Bear came to me in my travels
  around the US.
  'Solitude, introspection,' it said to me.
  'Healing, quiet.'

And so, I lifted my pen from the page
  and experienced all
  as it happened
  inside my self
  and as the world passed beneath my feet.

Spirit brought me important lessons
  in that time of quiet and witnessing,
  lessons I since set about to integrate
  into my daily walk.

But, Spirit is never done with us,
  offering always new paths
  to walk,
  paths that guide us ever more
  deeply into the lessons
  we incarnated to learn.

The lessons shared as Spirit carried me
  across the country seemed,
  on the surface,
  to be quite simple.

Stepping back now to view the powerful experiences
  of late with the gift of eagle sight,
  I am realizing
  the lessons were but the opening mantra
  to a much more profound learning.

One lesson...
  'Set your foot upon the path
  in front of you.
  Do not go back.
  Face forward, always.'

As Spirit, embodied in that mighty train, carried
  me onward, I heard the words over and again.
  So, at each stop,
  I visited people and places
  from my past,
  experienced memories of
  my journey with them,
  healed, created new,
  cut unhealthy bonds...

'Set your foot upon the path
  in front of you.
  Do not go back.
  Face forward, always.'
------------------

These last weeks, I have wrestled
  with the demons inside me,
  the fearful child turned tormentor,
  permeating my wake and my sleep
  with profound fear and more
  profound fear.

'Set your foot upon the path
  in front of you.
  Do not go back.
  Face forward, always.'

In the midst of all this,
  Spirit was telling me that it is time
  for me to grow into the
  Call of the Four Directions.

And, it was telling me that it is time
  to create my own rattle for my
  Shamanic practice.

The Call to the Four Directions
  is creating itself inside me.
  I recieve words and understandings
  and am witnessing its birthing.

The rattle, too, is creating itself.
  It presented itself to me in the spirit of buffalo.
  Buffalo brings many gifts,
  shedding light on the dark struggle of my soul.

Abundance, prosperity, standing one's ground,
  protection of resources...
  the affirmation from the Lakota Sioux
  that right action combined with right prayer results
  in manifestation of all that is wanted or needed,

and illumination on the lesson Spirit is endeavoring to instill in me,
  'It is time to explore a new path.
  It is time to step outside old routines and storylines
  to see what is being offered.'
-----------------

Lessons from Spirit, though presented
  singularly for my learning process,
  are highly integrated and part of a much larger
  whole.

I suddenly see,
  even as I write this poem,
  a syncronicity between the two lessons,
  'Step forward, face forward always.'
  and
  'Step outside old routines and storylines.'

'Step forward, face forward always.'
  includes not just people, experiences, places...
  Perhaps, even more importantly,
  it includes my person.

'Step outside old routines and storylines.'
 'Don't go back to experiencing life
  as you did in the past.
  Let go old stories.
  Make room for new stories.
  You are creating this experience.
  It is time to re-write.'

These words are being spoken into the darkness
  of the struggle gripping my soul these
  last weeks.
  I could hear the words
  but couldn't get out of the story.

Every day, revelations of the
  manifestations of the past
  inside my self
  that I need to release...
  the stories I have crafted, played
  out so virtuously, in every situation,
  coloring the way I perceive everything,
  providing the words for me to describe
  that which I experience...
  painting the world that will come to me
  next, and reifying
  all over again,
  the 'truth' of the stories
  in the depths of my being.

Caught in the whirlwind of my own
  story, seeing the light but not being able
  to step out of this well-crafted and refined storyline.
  Asking for help,
  Seeing, hearing, recognizing guidance...
  buffalo, rattle
  call to create for my self
  a Call to the Four Directions
  to open a sacred space.
 --------------------------

This poem is not finished.
  Perhaps it doesn't make sense.
  It is merely the reflection of the learning
  process that is unfolding
  even as I write.

Moments of clarity light the way forward
  and promise that all is well
  even as I struggle in the dark of my own soul.

Spirit is here, offering
  insight, love always,
  protection from the demons that arise in my soul
  and those that I meet on this path.
  Watchful, patient, honoring my journey,
  always here,
  always.