One Thousand Yeses

'I said "Yes", didn't I?'  she queried.

'How many times have I said "Yes"?' she wondered.
  Time and again for so many years, she couldn't even count them.
  But, why?

'Is there some magic number of "Yeses" that,
  if said, cleanse the unworthiness that is me?'

Can "Yeses" clean the unclean,
  create desire for one unwanted
  transform un, un, un, un to
  something
  something
  anything?

Or are they just more desperate appeals
  to an unforgiving audience
  for welcome
  for forgiveness
  for love?

I can be no other than I am.
  I twisted and contorted myself
  for you and you and you
  until there was no breath of life
  left
  only a shell
  and a memory
  of love.

And still, after
  one thousand yeses
  I am not welcome
  I am despised
  I am tolerated

All because I can not be
  who you need me to be

So, I have one final "Yes"
  That is to me.
  "Yes, I am."

Inside me,
  I am welcome
  I am loved
  I am venerated
  because I am.

Yes.