Love and Fear

I woke up this morning
 feeling entirely boggled
 at why

we constrict, constrain, control
  love.

In my own country,
  we are taught from the earliest years
  that love means a very specific relationship
  between two very specific people.

There is no room for love to be felt
  between people who don't fit the pre-defined roles,
  or to experience love in a different kind of relationship.

There is no allowance for the changing face of love
  to create its own definition of the most healthy
  relationship between those who feel that love.

Yet, love persists.
  It endows its blessings on all kinds of people,
  requesting new, different and evolving relationships
  to honor those people across situations and over time,
  inspiring acts of kindness and compassion,
  and generating creative energy for healing and growth.

So why, I ask,
  do we expend phenomenal energy trying to
  capture the most powerful force known to humankind,
  and force it into
  arbitrary boxes
  with boundaries
  designed to strangle and suffocate?

Why?

What fear in us drives us to run and hide
  from the source of creation, compassion,
  kindness, expansion, spiritual and human development?

It can't be a concern that love is limited...
  for love multiplies exponentially.

It can't be that the heart has only so much room for love...
  for even as space is kept for one love,
  another space opens up inviting in another love,
  and another,
  and another...

Perhaps, fear itself
  fears love.
  Fear can not exist with love.
  Like light illuminating the dark,
  love encompasses and dissolves fear.

So, in a vain endeavor to maintain its own
  stronghold on our hearts,
  fear wages war on love,
  hoping against all hope
  that we not actually experience
  real love.

For, if we do, we just may
  choose love over fear.

It Just Is

Do you know that I will always love you?

The passing of time,
  the love felt for another,
  your anger or reserve,
  nothing,
  nothing,
  will ever change that.

But, you know that, don't you?

And when you turn your eyes away,
  or feign indifference,
  it's because you feel the same.

It's okay.
  Really.

Just know.
  That's all.

Growth

Had a dream

There was a major theatrical production happening.
  The person made me the producer.

Before I could explain that I didn't know anything
  about producing,
  he left.

There were people everywhere,
  intent on creating this production,
  each with hir own role,
  well rehearsed.

All taking positions now so familiar,
  chatting with friends won through
  days and nights 'on stage'.

None, nothing
  was familiar to me,
  yet I was the Producer.

So, I stepped into the swirl
  of activity, watching all who
  seemed not aware of, or concerned with,
  my presence.

I thought to offer a competition,
  to build some comradarie.  I interrupted the flow
  to announce the competition and went
  to the woman who had the book of questions.
  But, she closed it, refusing my request,
  challenging my authority or even
  my right to be there.

I went back to the people and told
  them it would be just a minute.
  They resumed their activities
  without hesitation, and I found
  my own question for the competition.

So it continued throughout the day,
  people angry at my presence,
  unwilling to accept my role,
  turning away offers of friendship.

But, I realized somewhere in the middle of all this
  that I was handling each situation well.
  I was finding my way through.
  I was not internalizing their anger.
  I was not becoming their rejection.

I was solid in my own sense of
  self worth;
  clear about who I am;
  intent on fulfilling this new role in the best
  way I could;
  open, always open, to potential heart
  openings;
  and okay with wherever people
  were on their own paths.

I was okay.
  I am okay.

Sweet and Gentle

The jet lag lulls me to sleep during mid day,
  intent on confounding the deep confusion
  already penetrating every cell of this body.

But, my mind - when not lost in a cloud of fuzz -
  recognizes that staying awake when it's light outside
  is a good thing.

So, that is my quest this week...
  to stay awake during the day
  and find sleep during the night.

Seemingly a simple task,
  but it's taking all my energy
  and leaving precious little for writing.

The muse is still here,
  waiting patiently for my
  body and mind to align with this
  new place and time.

And then, she will push again,
  for I believe she is not done,
  perhaps only just started...

Namaste...

The See...I

There was a girl with stars in her eyes.
  She danced and ran through the fields,
  chasing after the vision
  that played, always, just one step ahead.

Closer and closer, she drew,
  yet always the vision eluded her.
  But, the girl wouldn't give up.

'Why would this vision come to me,'
   she thought,
  'if not because I am to follow it?'

So she continued her chase,
  bounding over rocks,
  climbing hills,
  gaining strength and clarity
  with each step.

One day, she happened upon a pond,
  and in it, she saw a beautiful young woman.
  Startled, she stepped back.
  And, the beautiful young woman disappeared.

She crept back to pond,
  and looking therein, saw once again,
  the beautiful young woman.

The young woman gazed back at her,
  stars dancing in her eyes,
  arms and torso strong,
  blonde hair waving gently in the breeze.

For a very long time, the girl gazed
  at the young woman.
  Finally, she decided it was time to move on.
  The vision would not be kept waiting.

So, with tears in her eyes,
  she bid the beautiful young woman, 'good bye'.
  And as she stepped away from the pond,
  the young woman disappeared.

She ran, swift as a gazelle,
  feeling the roar of a lioness building
  in her lungs, sensing the changing seasons
  against her skin,
  led always by
  the vision.

Sometimes, she felt herself lift off the ground,
  saw herself flying among the stars,
  felt the touch of angels.

She ran, danced, flew day-upon-day
  until one bright morning,
  she came upon a vast, churning
  sea.

Across the sea, she saw
  stones, spaced evenly apart
  stretching into the distance...
  and beyond that, her vision.

She sensed something different,
  ominous, perilous, foreboding.
  Even as she drew back from the water,
  she saw, once again, the woman.
  Only this time, the woman was older,
  stronger, with a confidence and deep faith.

And she realized, the woman would take
  her safely across the sea.
  So, she stepped onto the stones
  and began her crossing.

The waters churned as if in anger.
  The wind whipped at her face.
  The stones slipped beneath her feet.
  Yet, she continued - her vision before her,
  the woman at her side.

Days passed, the skies grew dark,
  and the stones disappeared beneath
  the broiling sea.
  No shore was visible, only
  the stone upon which she had not stepped.
  And, the woman melted into the
  frenzy that was the water,
  leaving the girl alone, cold, frightened,
  feeling a growing sense of death.

In the dark, she discovered she could
  still see her vision in her mind, even if only dimly.
  So, she closed her eyes and stepped forth,
  one foot after the other,
  feeling the stones beneath her feet.

Thus she strode, into the growing darkness and cold.
  Until one day, she stepped upon a stone that gave way.
  Quickly, she withdrew her foot and saw
  the stone was, in fact, a turtle.
  She could not step on it without killing it.

She turned her gaze back to the stones upon which
  she had come,
  but they were no longer there.

She was alone in the great, angry sea,
  with nowhere to step except onto
  a being that could not bear her weight.

Fright grabbed her heart for she knew
  she could not hurt the turtle
  and she could not turn back.

Holding tightly to the memory of the woman,
  eyes closed to see her vision,
  she stepped off the rock
  into the sea...

The See...II

The waters swallowed her,
  pulling her ever more deeply into
  the dark, wet abyss.

Holding her breath,
  feeling her lungs burning,
  knowing she couldn't hold
  much longer.

Seeing, still, the vision in her mind,
  even as her limbs grew still
  and she drew the liquid breath.

Knowing she could never step
  on the turtle.
  She could not harm another
  for her own benefit.

Floating gently on the tide.
  Not feeling the cold or the wet.
  Feeling only release and peace.

Ours is to live and strive and learn
  and, sometimes, to struggle
  and question...

but never to harm another
  on our way.

The see,
  gentle and warm,
  blue and effervescent,
  giving way to the quiet but powerful
  rhythm of the turtle,
  now gliding under the girl,
  lifting her gently on its back,
  carrying her on,
  her vision gleaming in its eyes.

See

We are one.

Harming another, no matter how small,
  harms us all.

Walk in peace, love always,
  harm never,
  on this journey.

We are Human, After All

I became aware some time back
  that being human is a
  contradiction of terms.

We hold within these earthly bodies,
  light and dark,
  peace and malcontent,
  hope and fear...

Always, we step forward
  embodying extreme opposites,
  balancing seemingly impossible juxtapositions.

In our pursuit of the light,
  shall we deny the dark?
  Shall we pretend that it doesn't
  exist side-by-side with our light?

I worry always that we shun that
  which doesn't fit our image of
  who we are supposed to be,
  that we pretend the questions,
  the fears, the doubts, the ...
  don't exist.

For, in so doing, we deny
  our humanity.

Perhaps, we are angels in human form.
  Perhaps, we are old souls.

We can be all that

AND

we are human,
  at the same time.

And being human isn't all that easy!

Sometimes, it hurts so bad,
  you want to scream bloody hell!

Sometimes, you feel so angry,
  you could rip the head off a lion.

Sometimes, you are so frightened,
  the rock under which you hide
  is the only place you feel safe.

Sometimes, the goodwill morphs into
  envy, or dislike or even hate.

We are in human form.
  I sincerely believe that part of
  our evolution

  is to come to terms with that simple fact.

Dare we love the dark in our selves?
Dare we admit our failings, our misperceptions,
  our misgivings, our doubts?

Dare we allow the other the same?

Can we love our selves
  and the other
  in our raw, imperfect, tarnished form?