Blessed by the Creator

Of the manifold gifts that my father gave to me,
  one that grows in significance as years pass
  is best described through a little story.

Around age 15, and in the full throes of
  differentiating my self from my parents,
  I threw out my chest and found my strongest voice.

Then, I marched up to my father,
  that gentle, wise, compassionate man.

Before I could be melted by his loving eyes,
  I boldly, and probably somewhat awkwardly,
  declared, 'I don't believe in God!'

Holding my breath and readying for a parlay,
  I awaited my father's response.
  He looked at me in one long moment.

Then, he smiled and said, 'OK.'
  That was it?!  Stunned, I turned to retreat.
  'OK?  OK???  OK???'

I had just denounced the single most important thing
  in my father's life, and all he said was, 'OK???'
  I don't remember how long it took me to recover
  from this most unexpected act of my sage/father.

But, keeping to form was critical at that stage of my development,
  so I regrouped and initiated a series of assaults on what
  I considered to be the fallibilities of religion and faith and God.

At every turn, my father listened carefully and responded with
  compassion, wisdom and love...and no small amount of patience!
  Through this journey, I learned so many things and traveled so far.

The lessons from this sojourn with my father some 40 years-ago
  stay with me today, shape my perspectives, fortify me with hope,
  and remind me that it is okay to question and challenge.

For, through that questioning and challenging,
  we delve into our souls to find the answers therein, to find God therein.
  All our lives, at any moment, this gift is ours to open.

And, it is given us with compassion, wisdom, love
  and all the patience in the universe.
  For our growth into self is a sacred journey,

one that is blessed by the Creator of all.

Life Spiraling

The corkscrew

I see this corkscrew
  winding up and down.

It is solid in that it
  is ever present, and
  winds only up and down.

The essence of this corkscrew?

It is the core of me,
  not the spirit from which I was born
  for nothing can contain that spirit.

No, the 'me' to which I refer
  is the being into which I chose
  to be born...the one named Kristen.

The core of me contains the lessons
  and questions and gifts I brought to this life.
  The core of me is the reason I am here.

And corkscrews, as you know, are spirals.
  Turning them, they move up and down,
  because, you see, life is a spiral.

Life is not linear.  That sense of linearity is merely
  an illusion caused by the pull of gravity upon this flesh.
  No, energy and life moves in spirals.

And that is how I experience my self in this life.
  New situations, encounters with new people,
  alight in me familiar responses, feelings, struggles...

And, when I catch a breath from living
  that particular moment, I recognize
  once again

the core of me is present,
  endeavoring to learn, to understand,
  to heal, to reach out and forward...upward.

Sometimes, I move upward on that spiral,
  feeling the joy of having learned or healed
  in some small, but significant way.

Other times, I slide down the spiral.
  Sometimes, I dangle precariously from the end,
  crying out in pain as my strength to hold on diminishes.

Funny thing is, even when, or especially when,
  my strength gave way and I felt myself falling into the abyss,
  I never did.

I was always securely held, loved.
  Even the falling is part of this experience of life.
  And, it is not the end, no matter how horrible
  it feels in the moment.

It is, rather I believe, me slipping downward on the corkscrew.
  And, tomorrow, I will slip up again.

Despair doesn't last forever,
  and neither does happiness,
  for they are both merely emotions.

Joy however, as my father said,
  lasts forever, surpasses all things human,
  holds us steady through all
  and greets us when at last
  we emerge from the spiral
  that is this particular life.

the unnameable, the animating force

Sometimes, the feeling of gratitude is so immense
  I feel I will simply melt into the stars.

The gifts of Spirit are so rich, shared with such elegance,
  and offered without expectation of recompense.

Gifted simply because

So, I fall to my knees,
  tears glistening on my cheeks,
  the grace of God filling my heart,
  the sense of awe opening my soul
  to the ALL that is.

Thank you, Great Spirit, Creator, God
  whatever your name is or isn't
  whatever space your fill or create

thank you.

Look About You

I saw myself as an image on two cards.

On the one, I stood amidst a profusion of
  colors dancing and sparkling.
  I heard, 'Realization'.

On the other, I floated in the depths of space,
  surrounded by the warmth of dark and the ALL.
  I heard, 'Transform'.

I sense there is something new and different
  waiting.

I'm witnessing my self dance with this invitation.
  Resistence, attachment to a certain sense of self,
  fearing the loss of that identity, fearing the loss of
  sustenance.

Yet, the message keeps coming
  from different sources, in different places,
  in various ways,
  and always from the ONE...

'Look about you.'

Last night, in a flash,
  I was gifted with eagle sight,
  and I saw the riches that surround me,
  that have always surrounded me...

Gratitude settled into my heart
  with such power that my vision became clouded,
  spoken words faded into a mist,
  and I felt, in an instant,
  the wisdom of the universe.

So, perhaps it is time to
  let go
  once again
  and step
  into the flow..

So Much More

The tears well,
  my heart pounds.

I don't know why...

Sitting with it,
  feeling it,
  watching as the
  tears rise and subside,
  listening to the soft clatter
  of my fingers upon the keys,
  anticipating, wondering...

Gratitude.

My father,
  the quiet and powerful sage
  said, 'I am so grateful!'

I, in my youthful arrogance,
  understood not
  his profound thankfulness
  for that which was a
  typical part of our lives...
  food, water, shelter, family.

To that point,
  I had never experienced need or loss...
  I had never been asked to say 'goodbye'.

So many moons have risen since then.
  And with those moons, life has come to me
  in all its shapes and forms, including the
  request and requirement
  that I say 'goodbye'.

I understand gratefulness.
  I feel it in the depths of my soul.
  It feels as the most profound prayer,
  the most intimite connection with God.

I am grateful for my wise and patient father,
  for the lessons that life has brought to me,
  for the gentle persistence of the spirits in teaching
  me the lessons I came here to learn,
  and for so much more...

so much more...

Thanks

I learned that I am not ready for a dog - thankyou Lilbit.

I learned that sometimes words are inappropriate.  Rather,
  spirit calls us to grieve, pray and heal.

I learned that I can alter my perceptions from snake to jaguar to
  hummingbird to eagle and back, and that
  each offers different perceptions, insights and lessons.

I learned the answers already exist, and that
  I don't have to work for them.
  I just have to look and they are there.

I learned that the journey is within and that
  this life is the stage on which the lessons I wish to learn are offered.                     

I learned that those whom I identify as my greatest challenges are really
  my most loving teachers and allies.

estheroinprogress.com

The Path I Walk

Sometimes, the beauty is so overwhelming.
The syncronicity...astonishing...

from finding a blanket laying on the floor,
  the very one I was missing for my sacred space;

to a room with an alcove for my work and meditation;
  with colors that perfectly match my spirit;

to lots of alone time in a beautiful house;

to bringing a light to my friend
  and sharing some bit of life with him;

to all the lights turning green as I drive
  to a meeting to explore how I might work in Liberia...

Little things,
  and peculiar to my specific life circumstance,

but so many of them,
  and so continuous.

Never before have I felt so in the 'right flow' with life.
  Admonitions to look ever forward
  and reminders that the past is just that
  the past
  and no more.

The path is before me,
  and I am alight on that path,
  one foot in front of the other...

The Hummingbird

17 September 2012

The Chief asked me to sit with hir.
  I say 'hir' because as I gazed at hir,
  I saw both male and female.

We sat opposite the fire.
  No one else was there.
  The Chief wanted to sit with me
  alone.

She asked me to quiet myself
  and focus on her.
  But I heard the flute
  and turned to see its player.
  Then, I heard the drum
  and shifted to see the drummer.

All the while, the Chief
  waited patiently for my attention.
  Then, I saw a hummingbird
  dancing lightly beside the Chief,
  flitting from one thing to the next,
  never still.

And I smiled at the restless
  commotion that is my mind,
  like the Hummingbird,
  never still.

Chief called me to him.
  Next I knew, he was hugging me,
  holding me closely,
  'All is okay,' he whispered.

Holding me, he sprang
  from the earth to soar
  above the clouds
  and among the stars.

Flying through the dark,
  peering down at the mountains,
  descending to the village amongst the trees.
  Like the Hummingbird, we hovered momentarily,
  and then flew again.

Then, Chief let loose his hold
  and I flew next to him,
  as natural and easy
  as the Hummingbird.

I saw no more than our flight,
  and fell back to sleep wondering
  if my vision had been cut short
  for I didn't understand the purpose
  of our meeting.

Until just this moment
  as I write these words,
  I did not understand.

One lesson that Hummingbird
  gifts to us
  is to relish the beauty
  of the present moment.

Sometimes, to fly unbounded among the stars,
  to witness the magnificence that is the earth,
  is just enough.

Transition to Crone

2 December 2011

I find myself with women, all of whom are treading
  this path of transition to a new form of being;
  Alive in a new way, with
  an entirely new body,
  adult children, a career past...
  and standing on the barely tread path of our future.

Threads of the past woven through our beings,
  learning to acknowledge, love and let them go.
  Learning to accept;
  allowing to heal.

Finding courage to look upon the face, so different,
  gazing at us in the mirror;
  Recognizing the eyes,
  seeing the soul,
  matured yet anticipating new growth.

The body,
  Laughing in love at its funny wrinkles and mysterious aches,
  learning to love and respect its new form.
  Understanding now the transitory nature of its walk with our spirit,
  and living with gratitude to honor its brief, yet sacred, walk.

Awed by all that.

Rejoicing in new found wisdom.
  Humbled by lessons that seek us over and again,
  and that come as babes to
  remind us that we are to grow, change and experiment
  all the way through the final transition from this life
  into whatever lies beyond.

Feeling tears and that familiar lump in my throat.
  The tears held together by a complex network of
  hope, love, sorrow, glee, humility, rejoicing, laughter...
  but mostly

Awe

  at All that is.

Gratitude

  for All that is.

Rapture

  in knowing

  All that is

  includes needs, loves

  us All.