Here and Back, Again

I had this image upon waking
  of a corkscrew.

As I travel through this life,
  I bring with me the core elements
  of me.

Like a corkscrew, the core of me
  winds its way into various situations
  no matter where I am
  no matter what is happening
  no matter what age I am

There is the core,
  solid as energy can be
  everpresent
  at the center
  of my experience.

The energy that is me
  flows up and down
  that corkscrew,
  lingering now
  in this moment
  and flowing once again
  into another.

There is only one way
  that the energy that is me
  will leave this corkscrew...
  through the top.

One day, I will be finished
  with the work I've come to complete
  and my energy will move effortlessly
  up the corkscrew and gently
  flow out of the tip.

If you are watching,
  you'll see a spray
  of sparkles, dancing lightly
  before dissolving into the ether.

But, I won't be gone.
  I will be the pure energy
  from which I...and you...
  emerged.

And, I will be deciding
  the next journey
  on which to embark
  to unravel yet another
  experience and lesson for this soul.

The Nexus

'So what,' you ask, 'are your specific concerns?'
  'What is it that eats at you today?'

But see, I really don't think the specifics matter.
  I think, what really matters is the struggle
  of the material embodying the eternal.

I believe we each craft our own storyline
  to gift us with opportunities to learn
  those things we wish to learn in this life.

Naturally then, the storylines of any two people
  will be quite different, unique to those people.
  So, the specific context, the particular storyline
  is not, for me, the headline.

No, what really matters is that
  my/your heart hurts
  my/your mind gets confused
  my/your spirit grows tired

Those things you all know, right?
  No matter your particular story,
  you can relate to the pain,
  the confusion, the exhaustion.

This is where spirit asks me to live,
  in the space where material and eternal touch,
  in the middle of this turmoil called life.

My particular life circumstances are of benefit
  only insofar as they help to portray the message
  spirit asks me to convey.

That is why, at least for today,
  I choose to stay focused on
  the experience of 'it' all,
  the nexus of material/spiritual.

The Name is Zoe!

'I've been trying to tell you,
  this is my name!'

'No, it's not the one my mother gave me.
  It's the one I gave myself.'

'Why?'

'Because it reflects me,
  who I am
  how I feel
  but more...'

'It reminds me of the part
  of self that I repress,
  hold back, judge...'

'It is my dancer, my singer,
  my creative spirit
  my longing to be
  inside music, art, dance,
  beauty'

'Yes, to be inside it,
  feeling it wash around me,
  feeling it lift me off my feet
  and free my spirit to fly.'

'That's Zoe.
  That's me.'

'Can you see her?
  Me?'

Gaia, Hear Me

'Who are you, really?' Gaia queries.
  And, why are you here?'

'I want so much to be real,' I start.
  'I have lines and curves, a face and a name.
  A faint memory whispers to me,
  I AM.'

'Yet, I chose to come here.
  And, the currents that are life
  wash around me, throw me off balance,
  turn me upside down.'

'So, when finally I face the sky and
  fill my lungs with the precious chi,
  I have forgotten who I AM.'

'Then, I struggle, and I cry, and I scream
  to the empty sky,
  Who AM I?!'

'Am I real?  Have I value?  Does my worth
  surpass all the sorrow, the disappointment,
  the anger that fills my heart?'

'Can the love from which I was birthed
  rescue me from the dark corners of my soul?!'

'The answer, my child,' smiles Gaia, 'is yes.'

'Remember, you chose to come into this form,
  the form you see in the mirror, the form you see
  reflected back to you in the eyes of another.'

'Quiet yourself, find stillness.
  Hear the whisper of the wind.
  Feel the cool waters on your feet.'

'Remember.
  Remember who you really are.
  Remember why you came here.
  Know that everything is as it should be.'

'Know that you are the glory of the Creator,
  manifest here, now.
  You are a gift.
  You are love incarnate.'

'The pain, the challenges, the questions,
  come to you as sacred offerings,
  as gifts given for your ascension,
  as the hints to help you remember,
  as the soil from which you can grow

to fulfill the promise of who you are.

Wisdom of the Moss

Watching now, the moss in the stream.
  So lithely, gracefully, it dances with the current.
  Creating art with sun and shadow and its soft green tendrils.

It hangs on, yes, hangs on for dear life.
  The currents flow around and through it,
  turning it this way and that, shaping it, forming it
  in ways it could never have imagined,
  in ways it might never have wanted,
  changing it, always.

And yet,
  creating the space and conditions
  that give it life,
  through which it can find and be
  its authentic self, know its true nature,
  live in its truth.

So, in life.
  The currents pulling, shaping, tugging,
  stretching always,
  challenging us to remember who we are,
  asking us to live authentically,
  and gifting us with the experiences and
  the people and the moments
  that offer the opportunity
  to know, to remember,
  to experiment, to be

who we really are

and to know, to remember,
  to experiment, to be

why we came here.

I am Fire Without Need

I felt a profound silence all about me.
  Looking into the darkness,
  I saw the firepit...empty
  the firecircle absent the souls
  so much a part of the magic

Silence

Beauty in the void

Stillness

Tranquility

And out of nothing
  there burst a fire
  white hot
  dancing
  shooting to the sky
  alive without fuel

She stepped from the fire
  white hair to her shoulders
  white leather covering her slender body
  the embodiment of All

'I am Fire Without Need'

My hands aglow
  the energy sparking, flowing
  one with the fire
  making the fire grow, fade, disappear, emerge

Connecting me to the All

I step into the fire
  white hot, but without menace
  flames dancing around me
  images of 'reality' fading

I am captured in a flame
  bursting to the sky
  letting go
  the flame separate now
  from the fire in the pit

I am Fire Without Need

Transcending material
  All spirit
  Only spirit

Merging now
  with souls torn and broken
  healing, loving, compassion
  exquisite, perfect love, grace

All is well

Stasis is an Illusion

How do you flow smoothly
  through life's changes,
  like a stream flowing
  from the mountain to the sea?

On the train journey,
  I experienced continual change.
  The train, always moving forward,
  revealed to me a bit of life just once
  as it moved into the future.

Even the stops along the way
  were about change...
  a new place,
  new faces,
  new beds and food,
  and then,
  the departure.

And, as I said 'goodbye'
  the train sped toward
  the next future.

It felt, at times, disconcerting,
  for there really was no
  stable place, nor had I
  time to 'plant my feet',
  only to experience and witness.

Life is like that as well.

We build structures around us and
  fill them with materials things
  to give us a sense of place.
  All these things are good,
  home, family, place...

What I am questioning, however, is
  if their presence creates an illusion
  of invariability,
  and if that illusion
  begets a blindness to the reality that

  life is change.

And, this leads me back to my original question,
  which is this...
  If change is the nature of life,
   why do I experience it with such trepidation?
   why do I work so hard to create the illusion of stasis?
   why do I fall back in fear when I see change?
   why do I feel as if I'm being dragged to a party
    to which I don't want to go?

Fighting change is like fighting one's own nature.

So, if my intent were to experience
  life as the stream moving smoothly
  over rocks and around bends,
  what would that look like?

What would it feel like to embrace
  the nature of one's being,
  to fully let go into life,
  to stay fully in this passing moment?

Chakra Mantra

I am safe
I am a creator
I am worthy
I am loved
I have voice
I can see
I AM

I AM; I Do

I AM
  so much more than any role
  I will ever play
  in this life.

Ego looks for self definition,
  "I am a writer."
  "I am a social scientist."
  "I am a mother."
  "I am a lover."
  "I am a seeker..."

But, that very definition
  delimits the whole
  of who
  I AM,
  confining a being of God
  to a small, rigid box.

So, I embarked on a journey
  to teach my self
  how to leave
  I AM
  to the vast unknown
  and rather,
  describe how I engage my time.

I do...
  I write,
  I study,
  I parent,
  I love,
  I practice...

I AM

Maiden in Shining White Armor

Kristen Magis in Vietnam 2012: Maiden in Shining White Armor: She leaned against the window ledge,   stars dancing in her eyes,   a slight smile warming her face. But, she did not see the flowering ...

Fools or Heroes

There are a few poems from my other blog that really fit the essence of this blog, so I will re-post them here as a continuation of spirit walking...

Kristen Magis in Vietnam 2012: Fools or Heroes: The question arose, unbidden, in the dark-of-night sojourns of my sleepy mind. Fools and heroes...   Are they one and the same?   Or, ar...

You ARE: For Annali

In the quietest of moments,
  did you ever feel
  deep within your self,
  a greatness?

Did you ever sense
  that there was some thing
  IN you
  that defied all
  'current realities',
  and negative self talk,
  and admonitions of others,
  and past/present experiences
  of imperfection?

Have you felt
  the surge of pure, raw joy?
  the deep knowledge that
  you are so much more than ANY thing
  you could ever start to imagine?

Do you know that you ARE?
  you CAN?
  you WILL?

If you close your eyes and
  open your heart,
  you can see
  the light that is in you,
  you can feel
  the greatness that is you,
  you can sense
  the potential that is yours to fill.

The seed of God is in you.
  Allow it to grow,
  Nurture and love it,
  Share it with all.

Turn the Key

Why is it that we raise some on pedestals
  that far surpass their very real humanity?

What is this need to assign larger-than-life
  attributes to these people?

We each can name those whom
  we esteem above all others.
  From my own life experience,
  I would name
  Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa,
  Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela,
  Siddhartha Guatama Buddha...

Please know that these thoughts,
  in no way,
  are meant to disrespect these people.
  In fact, I feel a deep reverence and gratitude for
  the messages they brought to us all.

They are heroes to me.
  They inspire me to seek that
  within myself which can strive to live
  the wisdom they taught.

But I, like so many others,
  feel compelled to ascribe to them
  more than the mere humanity
  that defines us all.

I want them to be more than human,
  to be divine in some way...

This drive to set these people apart
  is what I question.

Why, I wonder, do I/we have this need?

I realize I can't answer that question
  for anyone other than myself.
  I think, I want to know there is more
  than what the drab and sometimes frightening
  everyday life experience offers,
  that there are beings who, somehow,
  can rise above the challenges
  that so frequently drive me to my knees.
  I want to know that there is hope for the simple
  likes of me.

These people fill a void in myself,
  answer the demons inside who whisper
  my failings, my ineptitude, my inability
  to rise above that which I see in the mirror.

Perhaps, if I can never be more than I am,
  I can venerate these people,
  see in them and in their lives,
  that which I can never envision for myself.

And that may,
  just may,
  give me peace.

I recognize, however,
  an error in that logic, those emotions.
  And in not questioning this error, I believe
  that I disrespect one of the critical lessons
  these people brought for me.

It is this.
  These people were human.
  They were plagued with their own demons,
  just like me.
  They struggled with life events,
  just like me.
  They lived day-to-day,
  just like me.

But, more importantly,
  rather MOST importantly,
  I believe that through their living
  as real human beings,
  they demonstrated
  that 'mere mortals' can reach
  incredible heights
  of human development.

This gift is for all of us,
  not just a select few.

This gift is for
  ALL
  of us.

Who am I...really?
  What is the highest, most developed,
  being into which I can grow
  in this lifetime?

Who are you...really?
  What is the highest, most developed,
  being into which
  you
  can grow in this lifetime?

What is the greatness that lies
  inside
  your soul,
  waiting to be born
  through your life?

Seek it,
  trust it,
  believe
  the divine resides
  in you,
  know
  that it waits for you
  to turn the key.

Spirit Embodied

15 September 2012

'Why are you afraid?'  they ask me.
  'Why do you resist our walk with you?'

You frighten me.
  You take me to places far away,
  show me things I cannot understand.

I want to stay in these places,
  where I can feel wisdom as a blanket,
  warm and safe.

I don't want to return to the uncertainty,
  unknowing, confusion,
  and sometime chaotic experience
  of being human.

The things you share with me often surpass my understanding.
  I spend my days trying to understand the words
  that flow from my own fingers
  onto hitherto blank pages.

'We are always here with you,
  but we will always honor
  your request for our presence.
  You are not alone.
  You are never, have never, and never will be
  alone.'

'Aloneness is a story that you created.
  You create these stories
  so that you can learn and feel
  the experience they offer.'

What is it to be lonely?

When I am alone, does that create loneliness?

When I am in a crowd of people,
  does that create loneliness?

What does it mean
  that I am never alone,
  when so many times in my life
  I have felt so very alone,
  so very alone,
  so very,
  alone?

Yet, for all my questioning,
  I know somewhere deep inside me that it is true.
  I am never alone.

I am connected to something much larger
  than the physical manifestation in which I find my self.

I am spirit embodied.

I animate this being of flesh
  to experience,
  to learn,
  to witness,
  to grow.

I never die.

I am at once
  individual,
  and forever
  at one with the All.

So, my feelings of aloneness
  truly
  are a story that I have written for myself.

I create my experience of
  separation from others
  through the arbitrary boundaries I create...
  family,
  community,
  language,
  politics,
  economic 'status'...

These boundaries,
  which I create,
  give me the experience of aloneness,
  and loneliness.

At any time,
  I can change this storyline,
  and rejoin the All.

I can learn to take down the boundaries
  which I have created between myself
  and other living and inanimate beings.

I can feel the All of which I am a part.
  I can stop the illusion of separateness.

I am spirit embodied.

Others are not embodied, but walk with us nonetheless.
  When we leave this body,
  we will join them
  and will see again,
  for certain,
  that we never were alone.

Meeting - again - My Self

14 November 2010

Led to the falls. Walked, felt the power of the trees.

  Stepped inside a tree and heard its soul. 

  I did a ritual of thanks for the sunset/transformation through which I am traveling.

While walking, I felt the presence inside me again, looking out.

  It was so curious, gazed in awe at the beauty of the pulsating life at the falls. 

  I talked with the wolf.
  It said I was to find my abundance in the work for which I trained. 

  It will be in writing. My ‘higher self’ will speak through me – together we will create.

My ‘higher self’ wants me to take it into nature more – on a regular basis. 

  It wants to experience life through the five senses - fully. 

  That’s why I’ve taken the path I have – because it/I wanted to feel it all, 

  the joy, the pain, the health and sickness, the wonder of manifesting in this reality. 

I understood now, my lifelong passion for and love of the earth. 

  There wasn’t a need to study it or choose it as a career path, 

  but simply to revel in its glory.

It almost felt as if we made an agreement – 

  I would take it into nature more – again – 

  and it would share with me the words it has to share.

And now, as I fully embrace all this as uniquely and truly me, 

  I will no longer refer to ‘it’ in the third person. 

  I am not certain, but I believe this is me – the larger, omnipresent me. 

Yet, I feel as if I’m meeting this entity. 

  Me in my human form feels separate from me in spirit,
   feels like I’m just getting to know me. 

  But I think, rather, I am remembering who I am…

   touching again the truth that has always resided in ‘me’. 

So, for lack of better terms, for now I shall call this entity my higher self.