The Quiet Voice Rings Clear

I suppose it's been brewing just below the surface
  of my consciousness.

And, I suppose Spirit decided it was time for me
  to know just what it is that it is asking of me.

I felt it this weekend
  a sudden knowing, like a revelation,
  a certainty...

Like Spirit finally made its request known to me.

It is about poverty, food security and water rights.
  That is the request,
  that I turn this passion into the force
  that drives my actions and decisions
  from this point forth.

Like that, I just knew...
  or rather, Spirit told me.

And then, I knew I was to write,
  to give voice to those who live in poverty,
  who live without food security
  who do not have access to clean, potable water.

I accept this request, with all my heart.
  I will show the face of poverty,
  make heard the voice of poverty.

For I believe that when poverty is given
  a face and a name and a voice, the power of love will
  break down the barrier of ignorance and allow others
  to open their hearts, to feel their compassion.
 
And that love will ignite in their spirit the understanding
  that we are all ONE,
  that what one of us suffers
  we all feel,
  and when one of us offers love to another,
  we all are blessed.

I don't know how this calling will evolve,
  nor does my understanding of the steps matter.
  All that matters is that I say 'yes' to Spirit's request
  and that I will find opportunities, however small,
  to act on this commitment.

Spirit has graced me with an answer
  in this long period of discernment.
  I am blessed.
  I am so very blessed.

The Created and the Creators

If I were to live in full recognition
  that life is constant change...

I would want to experience
  life in its totality.

I would know that
  this moment,
  and this moment,
  and this moment,
  are just that...a moment, that in the next instant,
  will be gone.

So, to fully experience life,
  I would want to be
  fully present
  and fully aware.

I would want to clear my being of the many
  ways I obfuscate my perception
  of reality.

I would want to divert my thoughts
  from the past or the future
  and stayed focused on the present.

I would want to learn to witness without
  judging.

I would want to experience life's challenges
  as a stream flowing by a rock or through a dam.

Change is not the enemy.
  It just is.
  Creation, growth, decay, nourishment for new creation...
  And, we are a part of that!

We are the created and the creators!

We are gifted with change.
  Each moment is an opportunity to create,
  to breath our gifts into the stream of life,
  to create the luscious, warming, wonderful experience
  for others that we so crave.

The flow of the stream.
  The flow of life.
  breathe, relax, flow.

Just As They Are

'The ability to give form to your most cherished dreams and visions
already exists within you.'

Gayan Silvie Winter & Jo Dose

So, what would they be...
  these cherished dreams and visions?

Might I find them if I search the
  deepest corners of my soul?
  I fear they may be hidden,
  tucked away to keep them safe
  from the 'realities' of this life.

But, in that dark corner,
  they grow musty, dank, dreary.
  The life force they were meant to
  give through our release of them
  into this life
  is drained,
  leaving a crusty shell
  filled only with dim memories
  and unfulfilled potential.

We spend our lives
  preparing our selves
  for the future, for what might come next.
  And yet, we know not...really...
  what lies in the future.

In all that preparing,
  do we keep stored the dreams and visions
  that were ready all along
  to manifest right now, today,
  in this life?

The epic journey is inside our selves.
  Our walk in this life is filled with gifts
  that nourish that epic journey.
  Even as we are preparing,
  we are asked to let go
  our protection of the gifts given us.

We are never done learning, growing...
  And it is through release and offering our gifts
  that we develop them.

So, our invitation from spirit?
  Release our gifts to this life,
  in whatever form they now take.
  Breath life into our dreams and visions
  and allow them to take form,
  just as they are.

Follow the Light

I thought my epic journey was of this world.

I learned that it is inside my self.

Journey of the Soul Embodied

A year and a half ago,
  I walked out of my house,
  last box in hand,
  and gave the key
  to the new inhabitants.

In the year leading up
  to that moment,
  I had rid my self
  of most all my possessions,
  and now fit all I owned
  into a small room.

In the two years prior to that,
  I engaged in an intensive practice of
  'clearing and cleansing',
  sitting in silence,
  listening for the voice
  of wisdom inside my self,
  witnessing as, one by one,
  the stories I had crafted
  about my life
  presented themselves
  for examination
  from a new perspective,
  a perspective I didn't yet understand,
  but one nonetheless that would
  ultimately free me from
  the myths that kept my spirit
  imprisoned and earth-bound.

I watched as those myths
  were dissolved, sometimes
  with fire, sometimes in a flash,
  sometimes in a hush...
  but always,
  with a gentle compassion and love
  for my person and my soul embodied.

It felt as if I had been scrubbed from
  the inside out.
  I sensed what it was like
  to live free from my old stories,
  and saw how the space cleared
  in my heart enlivened
  the creation of new stories
  of love and compassion,
  possibilities and purpose.

The cleansing and clearing
  is not over.
  I sense it is a lifetime
  endeavor,
  daily practice
  punctuated by mountaintop journeys,
  moments of clarity and epiphany
  emerging from a seeming morass of confusion...

But always,
  a journey of the soul embodied
  to experience, to learn, to heal,
  to find beauty in one self
  and to offer that beauty back
  to life.

Grant Me Courage for the Journey, Please

I am waiting God,
  for the next invitation.
  I am here to serve, to offer whatever I have
  to life
  in gratitude for all I have been given.

I am watching, striving to remain open,
  to not let fear blind me or push me into rash decisions.

It is hard though.
  'Reality' isn't always kind
  or understanding with one who
  is seeking to give of herself
  to the Divine flow of life.

'Reality' demands things...
  sustenace for the body,
  shelter, warmth from the cold,
  care in one's age.

These demands create in me a mix
  of fear; a 'requirement' to be responsible;
  a wish to not make myself a burden to others;
  a concern that walking this path
  will leave me vulnerable
  to the vagaries of this life.

I watched my parents live in faith,
  following your calling,
  months passing with no income
  and suddenly an influx enough to keep them
  safe and warm
  and to provide for their children.

Such a solid, unwavering faith they had,
  a faith that I find difficult to maintain,
  especially when I don't see
  how I can continue this path and not fall
  into destitute poverty.

Do I keep my eyes forward,
  stepping once again into the unknown,
  living in total faith
  that the path will be revealed
  and my safety secured?

Or do I 'be responsible'
  and take action to facilitate
  my own safety...
  food on the table,
  shelter for my aging body,
  retirement for the elder that will
  soon be me?

Each time I reach this impasse in my soul,
  I choose to let go and follow.
  But each time I arrive again at this place,
  I am a little older
  and a little more concerned.

This now is my prayer,
  to be given discernment and courage
  as I once again
  stand on the precipice of the unknown,
  feel the wind against my face
    but not yet under my feet,
  sense my calling is only just begun
    yet feel so very vulnerable.

Finding My Way Back

3 November 2010

Yes, we stand in our own way.
  The bane of our existence is our self.

It’s a lot of work to cleanse and keep cleansing.
  Have to take responsibility for yourself.
  Easier to blame others, to be angry,
  or to carry righteous indignation,
  as they all take the focus off oneself.

The other option is to focus on self – always asking
  ‘What is going on inside me now?’
  It’s work to face oneself.
  So much work to do.

Necessary to be diligent and always aware.
  Self is slippery, trying to get away from responsibility.
  Wants to take the easy path.
  Wants a break.

But, it’s a commitment to a way of life…
  to be always aware of self,
  misinformation created,
  protections inappropriately applied,
  separation tactics,
  fear hidden behind anger,
  disengagement cloaked as detachment
  indignation at others…

So many fault lines set by one’s self.
  So easy to trip over illusions created by one’s self.
  Amazing we get through a single day without tripping…
  or do we?

And the purpose???
  Trying to find our way back to God.
  Trying to learn and live our purpose.

I am here for a purpose.
  I am trying to find my way back to that purpose,
   blinded by the human form I have taken,
   trapped in the life experiences and perceptions
   of this being in which I reside.

I know now that I AM.
  I know that I chose this form.
  I know I accepted this path,
   committed to it long before entering this form.

I know that I remain committed to this path.
  It is who I am, why I am.
  I can no more say ‘no’ to it than I can
   to taking the next breath.
  This is not a matter of choice or will.
  It, quite simply, is

why I exist.

the Journey Taken

I have been reflecting on the last couple years.

Tried to share in the next series of posts, the journey
  as it unfolded.

However, my techno-abilities have once again
  shown themselves to be on the limited side!

So, the posts did not come out in order.
  Perhaps that's not all bad.
  For our journeys through life really aren't
  linear or ordered the way in which we would like
  them to be.

Rather, they defy our best laid plans
  and show us paths we could never
  conceive on our own.

I guess what's amazing to me,
  is that this all happened.

In the recounting, I remember
  and relive.
  I can see now
  what was then so
  hidden from me.

Thing is,
  it was the living through it
  that finally made it
  visible to me.

It's not the destination,
  but rather,
  the journey taken.

The Dark Can Not Exist in the Light

10 November 2010

The movie – Agora – taught me

  an important lesson about intolerance. 

  Intolerance starts with ignorance, 

  is fed by fear, 

  lavishes in hate and

  ultimately leads to loss of life.

It is that simple.

We all have the capacity for light and darkness. 

  Our fears lead us into the dark. 

  The light in us shows us out of the darkness

  and challenges us to examine our own fears and intolerance.

I must learn my way through my own intolerance

  or the fear in me will ignite 

  and I will create darkness even though my will is to create light.

Searching

7 October 2010

So, perhaps what is called for now is a combination of
  listen, try and listen again.
  Don’t become attached to any particular idea.
  Just put it out there and listen to hear if it is the right direction.

It’s like a game of 20 Questions…with God.

I am reminded that it is a sacred time,
  like those moments before my mom passed.
  I was invited to witness, but more than that. I lent my hand.
  I was an active participant in the dance. 

  I was just clear that I wasn’t the lead.

So, it is now. I am not fatalistically – or through blind faith –
  waiting for what comes next.
  But neither am I rushing forward from a place

   of fear or ego or intellectual blindness.
  I am moving forward based on what I perceive to be the guidance of spirit

  (to the best of my ability).

Perhaps this is another sacred dance.
  I don’t know the outcome, only that its purpose
  is to move me toward this place I am supposed to be going.
  I can do it. I have been given a strong mind and heart for a reason.
  I am learning how to offer them in service of spirit, 

  rather than rampaging forward on their own.
  

I am learning to listen and hear.
  I have learned humility.
  I will be given what I need.
  I am no longer feeling the fear – it seems to have dissipated, for now anyway.

Life is a prayer.

Call, Decline, Call, hmmm

20 September 2010

I’m supposed to write a book, I don’t know about what.

All I really know is my own life, and I’m not even sure I understand that.

Self Transcendence

27 November 2011

Self Transcendence is the inherent ability
  of systems to transcend;
  to reach out and create new forms.

Humans, as integrated systems,
  have the capacity to transcend,
  to create,
  to rise above that which we are
  to become that which we may be.

'What is your vision for who you are to become?'

I will be that wise woman.

I will hold steadfast to my vision
  of equity and well-being for all
  and a planet sustained for the 7th generation.

I will transcend the storylines
  that have created cement around my feet
  and hardness in my heart.

I will seek out and learn
  new ways of thinking and perceiving
  to create new storylines,
  storylines that capture

life in balance,

love lived,

compassion expressed.

This is not adapting to what is,
  but creating, inventing,
  transcending that which I am
  to become
  that which I can be.

Muse at my Side

So, here I sit
  prepared to bear witness to that
  which lies hidden
  and strives to be born.

Oh thou muse,
  such a temptress you are,
  pushing forever for my fingers
  to alight upon the key pad,
  sprinkling words through my mind
  as I stand naked in the shower
  and then allowing them to wash down the drain
  of this menopausal mind;
  now just a feeling,
  and a sense of
  something important
  left unsaid.

I have felt you at my side these past weeks.
  I have sensed your request turn to a demand.
  I have resisted, felt fear, given in and written
  and then played the cycle through again.

Why must I feel these painful emotions
  when you want me to write?
Why must I descend into this place
  so apart from 'reality'
  that I can not focus on even the simplest of
  mundane tasks?

Now, I verge on a commitment to
  write full time for the next weeks.

What does that mean, really?

If I agree to give in to you,
  if I dare to just sit
   and allow you to
   speak through me,
  if I risk my soul and person
   to the vagaries that are you,
   what shall become of me?

Of course, nothing is to be lost
  for there has, as yet, been nothing given.

Music to drown the voices,
  eyes turned inward,
  opening,
  frightened,
  but opening.

Finding you in my soul,
   now dancing lightly across the hard wood floors
   of my past, and
   the dark, quiet, peaceful space fronting my alter.

feel, feel, feel
  write,
  that is all that is asked.

Write.

The Spirit of Creation

The spirit of creation is so amazing, isn't it?

It calls me, and when I finally answer

the words just flow...

one upon another...

creating,

breathing life into little symbols,

connecting the physical to the spiritual.

And, I, the mere scribe,

lose myself in the creation,

watching as words not predetermined by myself

appear on the page,

and then reading them over and again

to understand their meaning.

Spirit is here.

It uses my fingers

to paint the canvass of this page

And I sit, as always,

amazed and breathless.

The Medicine Bag

4 December 2010

The medicine bag was given to me
  on a flight to Viet Nam.

I sat next to a woman flying home
  to Thailand for her mother's funeral.
  Despite her efforts, she could not
  quiet herself or find rest.

So, I decided to send her healing energy.
  As I sat with my eyes closed,
  I saw her energy and became
  transfixed on infusing it with my own.

Suddenly, all was dark except right

  in front of my heart.
  In the light, I saw multiple hands
  holding a medicine bag.

I realized it was being gifted to me.
  Then, the hands were gone and
  the medicine bag was on me.

It was not the medicine bag
  I had envisioned for myself.
  It was the shape of an oval,
  with a back and a smaller pouch
  about half the size of the back.
  It seemed to be made of beads
  woven into leather.

The pouch looked too small
  to put my fingers in to gather items.
  It also had no cover, so it seemed
  its contents could fall.

As I was gazing at the medicine bag, wondering
  how I would take stuff out of it,
  and how to keep things from falling
  out of it,
  I saw myself breath in from the pouch.
  A beautiful glittering dust arose from the pouch.
  I blew the dust toward my restless travel companion
  and it gently nestled into her energy field.

I continued to focus on sending her healing energy.

Then, I became aware that her mother was there with us.
  She was talking to me.  She was there to guide her daughter
  through the next days and to keep her safe.
  She was sad.
  I told her that after the rites are finished,
  she needs to continue her journey,
  that her children would be safe.
  She raised them well and they would
  care for each other.
  She was saddened, but understood.

'This one', the mother said, 'is special',
  referring to my travel companion.
  'She will be okay too.  She is a leader.
  She will be asked to take her place now.'

Next, I saw a white light descend behind my travel companion and heard,
  'I am with you.'
  Loving, gentle, white light.
  'Rest child, I am with you.'
  I saw the white light reach out and touch
  my travel companion's shoulder.

When I awoke the next day,
  it all seemed a dream.
  I wondered if I should relay
  my experience to my travel companion.

I was concerned it might upset her,
  or be all in my imagination.
  So, I faltered.
  But as soon as I decided not to tell her,
  I heard the mother, 'You must tell her!'

So, I gathered my courage and relayed the mother's thoughts
  to her daughter.
  She was astounded.
  She said I was right, that she was a leader
  and that she needed to play that role now.
  She affirmed everything I had said.

She asked how I knew,
  so I told her that her mother
  had instructed me.

She was so happy and relieved to hear
  about her mother.  She thanked me
  and told me that she felt better.

The Path; My Awakening

19 June 2011

The path I walk is a journey in itself
  an awakening of sorts.

I don’t know what it holds;

only that I am committed to the walk.

I have had many visions these last years

wherein all I saw were my unclad feet,

dusty from the dirt in which I walked,

and the gentle sway of a robe against the feet and dirt.

In this journey,

there are lessons for me to learn;

depths of my soul I am to meet and stir.

The awakening isn't just opening and realization.

It is also, literally, a quickening of

that part of soul born for this moment

but quiescent until beckoned from its rest.

I call it forth now.

It brings the wisdom, the courage, the vision

requisite for this walk.

I carry it within me – it is the quintessence of ‘me’.

I call to it now.

In this holiest of moments;

I call to the God that lives in me,

that calls to me

from the farthest reaches of the universe,

and from every cell of this being.

You brought me to this moment.

Every moment of these 51 years

filling destiny, crafting soul,

training mind,

opening heart,

challenging, loving, holding, setting loose…

I accept the path forward.

I accept the ‘unknowing’ so steeped in this path.

I am here.

I am walking.

I am walking

to You, of You, with You.

I Know Not Where I Go

I sat on the only remaining chair in the mostly vacant house,
  the house that had been my home for 11 years;
  the house where I raised my children;
  the house that witnessed the horror of loss
  and the rebuilding of hope;
  the house where I witnessed
  the child that is me turn 50 years old.

It had taken two years to empty the house.
  So much collects in the course of a lifetime;
  things that we need,
  things that we think that we need,
  things that we don't need
  and will never use,
  things that we can't release because
  their presence preserves a memory
  of life past...

But, I had done it.
  I had given away 95% of my material possessions
  and now could fit everything I owned
  into a small room.

And in a matter of hours,
  I would leave this home for the last time.

It was time,
  time to step forth onto a path
  about which I had dreamt for many years.

I had spent the last eight years preparing
  professionally for this journey.
  I had searched deep into my soul to heal wounds,
  to find new insights, to build strength
  for the journey ahead.

And now, sitting in the empty house,
  on the last chair,
  in the last moments,
  of this stage of my life,

I realized

I go forth
  not fully prepared,
  not completely healed,
  not with the measure of faith I felt necessary.

I set foot upon this path
  knowing my children's safety is not guaranteed
  nor their futures secured.

I step into the unknown
  in the midst of an economic downturn
  and without the security of employment.

I don't know if I will find the relationship
  that will take me to the end.
  I don't have all the answers to all the questions,
  and now I realize I don't even have all the questions.

But, that's the point.

We're not supposed to have it all figured out.
  We are just asked to create what we can
  with what we have
  on the canvas that sits in front of us.

And that,
  that
  is the beauty
  and opportunity
  of this spirit walk.