Another Invitation; Another Shift

13 November 2010

Last night, when the Kundalini came again, I spoke with it. 

  Then, I turned my attention to that entity from the stars – El.

  As I did, I felt my self go in, deep in, to me and then out. 

  I sensed a vast openness. And that’s where I found my self. 

  I said, ‘I want to know you.’

I realized that I have been like a third party, looking in on my self. 

  As things have happened, like 
   the energy in my body or hearing people’s thoughts, 

   I look on with surprise and disbelief, as if reading another’s story. 

I feel the effects of my resistance..

  the cloudiness, the confusion, tiredness,
  the sense of loss, the feeling that it is all so hard.

What I haven’t yet done is to ‘own’ all this as me. 

  Only last week I gathered the courage to articulate, for the first time,

    what I have known since childhood...that I am not from here. 

Having finally said that, I felt this incredible weight lift and
  sensed a different kind of freedom. 

  I really am not from here. I really am from somewhere in the stars. 

  And, I am old. That’s not someone else. 
  That’s me.

I felt yesterday that I had to commit to this journey at a deeper level. 

  Last night, I realized that I need to own it. 

  I need to stop resisting.  I need to unblock the chakras and truly

  allow my unfolding.

I look around at my life and see the vestiges of my ‘taking it apart’, 

  literally clearing it of the past, of material things, of a specific career path,

  and even of having any work right now. 

  I have created an open space. 

  I thought that was for when my son graduated, 

  but I’m realizing that it is for right now.

I am being asked to make the shift now.