Gifts of the Harbinger

A few days ago I shared a poem that,
  now looking back,
  I understand was my soul
  preparing to open itself to a knowledge
  that would burn like wildfire
  through my life.

That knowledge, finally,
  was shared with me,
  and like a great ball of fire, it

  burned
  destroyed
  decimated
  everything in its path.

No one and nothing was left untouched.

The fury and hunger of the beast
  unleashed seemed endless.
  The horror of the dark exposed
  was stunning.

Yes, there was dark in my self.
  But, I witnessed also
  the dark in others,
  saw it bare its ferocious fangs,
  swing its mighty claws,
  scream its bloody cry.

I believe we are given our greatest tests in life
  as a gift, an opportunity
  to learn wisdom of great import,
  so that we can then offer it back
  to life.

Many years, I have spent healing,
  trying to understand, re-building,
  re-visioning, re-crafting, healing,
  trying to move beyond...

I set out to share this story in hopes
  that some of that coveted wisdom
  would grace itself upon me so I could
  share it with others and show that there
  really is hope,
  even when all is darker than dark.

But, I find in this endeavor that the pain still lies just below the surface.
  And, I find myself once again on my knees,
  asking what it will take, finally,
  to heal these wounds,
  praying to find the wisdom and courage
  in myself to forgive and allow and love,
  just as I have so wanted from others.

Perhaps, I can start by visualizing each one,
  and surrounding him/her in brilliant white light,
  and love, unconditional love,
  not mine to give,
  but to pass on.

Perhaps, that is where I will start.