I want to understand why I resist the spiritual…
why I doubt its
realness,
why I think I am
imagining all this,
why I am worried that
I am suffering delusions,
why I push it away…
when it really is
all I am.
Not a day passes anymore that I am not living in prayer.
It’s like a constant
part of my being – it surrounds me, is me.
Yet, I don’t believe
it to be real,
don’t trust it,
don’t feel that I have
any special gifts or even a calling,
but that I just want
it so badly and for so long
that I’ve imagined it
into being.
Though I continue each day on this journey,
inside I hold back.
And, I want to know
‘Where am I going?’
‘What am I doing?’
‘What is going on
here???’
I know only that I need to shed material things quickly
and that I need to
focus inward
to heal and grow and
learn and cleanse.
And, I know I’ll
be told when it is time.
But the time is upon me – it is here.
And I don’t have any
idea what is being asked of me.
I am asking my spirit
guides to tell me something, anything.
What I keep seeing
is this image…
On my left, tall bluffs with sheer
cliffs descending into a deep valley bordered on the other side by huge rolling
hills, softly blanketed in trees – all green. And directly in front of me
a large bolder with the White Wolf encouraging me to descend into the valley.
Just now, the wolf transformed into an eagle upon whose back I climbed.
We soared high above the valley. I saw all the people again and
then the intense white/yellow light. In the center of the light – from
above – I could see a hole. I saw Christ in the center – emitting the
light. I was lowered into the center. And then I moved through the
light into the valley…and I was ready to do what I’m being asked to do.
By entering the light and moving through it, I became/was made ready.
It is time.
Every cell of my being can feel it, anticipates it, prepares for it,
wants to know…
What is ‘it’?!!
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