Are You Ready? I am Waiting.

OK, I have a confession.
  I have been really pissed of late.
  I got so pissed that I shut out Spirit.

I put on my worn and tattered coat-of-armor.
  This coat-of-armor is so much a part of me
   that it has its own name,

'I will get myself through this...damn it!'

Funny I didn't feel the breeze
  through the many holes and tears
  in that age-old and thrice mended coat.

I know that it really isn't a coat-of-armor.
  It is me hiding, pushing out my chest,
  believing that I am alone in all 'this'
  and it is up to me alone to get
  myself through 'it'.

The purpose, still, feels so right.
  'How,' I wonder, 'can wanting a job
  be a bad thing?  Is it strange to want work
  that pays a living wage and medical coverage?'

Yet, all my efforts and education and experience
  bear no fruit.  And, I awaken one day to see
  that I am rummaging through totes that
  I already emptied, all to no avail.

And now, my friends, I will share
  the truth of why I haven't been writing.

I have been ashamed to admit that I am
  in this place, once again, after witnessing the
  wisdom that Spirit channels through my fingers.

I guess I hold hope that these gifts of Spirit
  would soak through my coat-of-armor
  and change forever my fallibilities.

But, I remind myself...it is a process,
  yes, a journey.  And I am on the path.

The gifts of Spirit are still here, available
  for me when I am ready to receive them.

So, Spirit asks once again and forever,
  'Are you ready?  I am waiting.'