The Compassion

Silence has been filling my heart of late.
  Not a peaceful silence, no.
  A roaring, angry silence.

I don't feel therein the familiar
  tendrils of self doubt or discouragement.
  It just feels as pure anger, pissed off.

Another, usually wiser, part of me knows
  that anger is not a core emotion.
  It is not pure in substance or form.

Rather, it is a cloak, a shield, a dagger
  to turn outward when looking inward
  is too painful.

Yes, I know that.

Yet, sometimes I linger in the
  raw, bleak, cold fusion of
  bitterness, resentment and petulance.

It's an escape for me.
  While I linger in this space,
  I don't have to take responsibility.

I can build the rationale and justification for
  not moving forward, not accepting life
  as it comes to me, not living into my all.

And now, as I remember all this,
  I smile.
  For, I do want to step forward.

I do want to live fully in this life.
  I can accept responsibility for myself.
  I can take another step into the great mystery.

And, another silence fills my heart.
  This silence is different than the first.
  It is peaceful and hopeful.  It is love.

It melts the anger, soothes my pain,
  surrounds me with compassion,
  lights the path forward for my next step.