The Created and the Creators

If I were to live in full recognition
  that life is constant change...

I would want to experience
  life in its totality.

I would know that
  this moment,
  and this moment,
  and this moment,
  are just that...a moment, that in the next instant,
  will be gone.

So, to fully experience life,
  I would want to be
  fully present
  and fully aware.

I would want to clear my being of the many
  ways I obfuscate my perception
  of reality.

I would want to divert my thoughts
  from the past or the future
  and stayed focused on the present.

I would want to learn to witness without
  judging.

I would want to experience life's challenges
  as a stream flowing by a rock or through a dam.

Change is not the enemy.
  It just is.
  Creation, growth, decay, nourishment for new creation...
  And, we are a part of that!

We are the created and the creators!

We are gifted with change.
  Each moment is an opportunity to create,
  to breath our gifts into the stream of life,
  to create the luscious, warming, wonderful experience
  for others that we so crave.

The flow of the stream.
  The flow of life.
  breathe, relax, flow.

Stasis is an Illusion

How do you flow smoothly
  through life's changes,
  like a stream flowing
  from the mountain to the sea?

On the train journey,
  I experienced continual change.
  The train, always moving forward,
  revealed to me a bit of life just once
  as it moved into the future.

Even the stops along the way
  were about change...
  a new place,
  new faces,
  new beds and food,
  and then,
  the departure.

And, as I said 'goodbye'
  the train sped toward
  the next future.

It felt, at times, disconcerting,
  for there really was no
  stable place, nor had I
  time to 'plant my feet',
  only to experience and witness.

Life is like that as well.

We build structures around us and
  fill them with materials things
  to give us a sense of place.
  All these things are good,
  home, family, place...

What I am questioning, however, is
  if their presence creates an illusion
  of invariability,
  and if that illusion
  begets a blindness to the reality that

  life is change.

And, this leads me back to my original question,
  which is this...
  If change is the nature of life,
   why do I experience it with such trepidation?
   why do I work so hard to create the illusion of stasis?
   why do I fall back in fear when I see change?
   why do I feel as if I'm being dragged to a party
    to which I don't want to go?

Fighting change is like fighting one's own nature.

So, if my intent were to experience
  life as the stream moving smoothly
  over rocks and around bends,
  what would that look like?

What would it feel like to embrace
  the nature of one's being,
  to fully let go into life,
  to stay fully in this passing moment?

To Walk in Spirit

In a moment of clarity,
  I realized...

These things I most fear
  really can happen.

There was a stillness
  inside me...
  and
  a question.

'What then?'

And again, the clarity.
  To walk in Spirit, always.

And a prayer...

'Whatever comes to me this day,
  I wish to walk in Spirit.'

That simple, and entirely
  incomprehensible.
  Yet, it remains my deepest desire.

Living in the Four Directions

Bear came to me in my travels
  around the US.
  'Solitude, introspection,' it said to me.
  'Healing, quiet.'

And so, I lifted my pen from the page
  and experienced all
  as it happened
  inside my self
  and as the world passed beneath my feet.

Spirit brought me important lessons
  in that time of quiet and witnessing,
  lessons I since set about to integrate
  into my daily walk.

But, Spirit is never done with us,
  offering always new paths
  to walk,
  paths that guide us ever more
  deeply into the lessons
  we incarnated to learn.

The lessons shared as Spirit carried me
  across the country seemed,
  on the surface,
  to be quite simple.

Stepping back now to view the powerful experiences
  of late with the gift of eagle sight,
  I am realizing
  the lessons were but the opening mantra
  to a much more profound learning.

One lesson...
  'Set your foot upon the path
  in front of you.
  Do not go back.
  Face forward, always.'

As Spirit, embodied in that mighty train, carried
  me onward, I heard the words over and again.
  So, at each stop,
  I visited people and places
  from my past,
  experienced memories of
  my journey with them,
  healed, created new,
  cut unhealthy bonds...

'Set your foot upon the path
  in front of you.
  Do not go back.
  Face forward, always.'
------------------

These last weeks, I have wrestled
  with the demons inside me,
  the fearful child turned tormentor,
  permeating my wake and my sleep
  with profound fear and more
  profound fear.

'Set your foot upon the path
  in front of you.
  Do not go back.
  Face forward, always.'

In the midst of all this,
  Spirit was telling me that it is time
  for me to grow into the
  Call of the Four Directions.

And, it was telling me that it is time
  to create my own rattle for my
  Shamanic practice.

The Call to the Four Directions
  is creating itself inside me.
  I recieve words and understandings
  and am witnessing its birthing.

The rattle, too, is creating itself.
  It presented itself to me in the spirit of buffalo.
  Buffalo brings many gifts,
  shedding light on the dark struggle of my soul.

Abundance, prosperity, standing one's ground,
  protection of resources...
  the affirmation from the Lakota Sioux
  that right action combined with right prayer results
  in manifestation of all that is wanted or needed,

and illumination on the lesson Spirit is endeavoring to instill in me,
  'It is time to explore a new path.
  It is time to step outside old routines and storylines
  to see what is being offered.'
-----------------

Lessons from Spirit, though presented
  singularly for my learning process,
  are highly integrated and part of a much larger
  whole.

I suddenly see,
  even as I write this poem,
  a syncronicity between the two lessons,
  'Step forward, face forward always.'
  and
  'Step outside old routines and storylines.'

'Step forward, face forward always.'
  includes not just people, experiences, places...
  Perhaps, even more importantly,
  it includes my person.

'Step outside old routines and storylines.'
 'Don't go back to experiencing life
  as you did in the past.
  Let go old stories.
  Make room for new stories.
  You are creating this experience.
  It is time to re-write.'

These words are being spoken into the darkness
  of the struggle gripping my soul these
  last weeks.
  I could hear the words
  but couldn't get out of the story.

Every day, revelations of the
  manifestations of the past
  inside my self
  that I need to release...
  the stories I have crafted, played
  out so virtuously, in every situation,
  coloring the way I perceive everything,
  providing the words for me to describe
  that which I experience...
  painting the world that will come to me
  next, and reifying
  all over again,
  the 'truth' of the stories
  in the depths of my being.

Caught in the whirlwind of my own
  story, seeing the light but not being able
  to step out of this well-crafted and refined storyline.
  Asking for help,
  Seeing, hearing, recognizing guidance...
  buffalo, rattle
  call to create for my self
  a Call to the Four Directions
  to open a sacred space.
 --------------------------

This poem is not finished.
  Perhaps it doesn't make sense.
  It is merely the reflection of the learning
  process that is unfolding
  even as I write.

Moments of clarity light the way forward
  and promise that all is well
  even as I struggle in the dark of my own soul.

Spirit is here, offering
  insight, love always,
  protection from the demons that arise in my soul
  and those that I meet on this path.
  Watchful, patient, honoring my journey,
  always here,
  always.

The Call, The Fear

March 5, 2013

Is it possible, I'm being directed to a new path,
  a new way of contributing,
  not one I had anticipated or even prepared for...

If the epic journey is, indeed, internal,
  then the particular path I take in this world
  is of matter only in that it
  provides opportunities to take another step
  on that epic journey.

But, I hold so tightly to the path
  I have crafted with such diligence
  these many years;
  and fear greatly
  the void of unknowing,
  feel deeply the vulnerability
  of aging and limited financial resources;
  fear
  fear
  fear
  desire some measure of security,
  human security...

This call of Spirit
  scares me, awakens the child
  forever fearful of the unknown,
  whose tears quicky change
  from sweet innocence to
  rampaging devil.

To what are you calling me,
  Great Spirit?
  And why can I not feel
  a sense of security in this world?

spiritualize the material

ALL ONE

It feels important to repost this...

August, 2011

I journeyed to the Chief to ask for wisdom.

He took me to the fire circle.
  As I took my seat, spirits of all whom I love gathered.
  Then more and more joined the circle
  until I could no longer see the land,
  only spirits gathered around the fire.

They put their arms around each other,
  starting near the fire and winding back
  as far as the eye could see…people holding each other in pure love.

And then, he spoke.

‘For many generations, the people lived as ONE.
  There was joy, harmony, love, compassion.
  Each distinct person was honored as of essential value to the whole, the ONE.
  Uniqueness, difference, was celebrated as all understood each was necessary
  to unity, wholeness, ONENESS.

Then, one day the Creator
  gifted them with awareness of individuality, and
  asked them to be co-creators,
  to choose how they would add their unique light
  to create life.

The people,
  mistaking the gift as a severance from ONENESS,
  became frightened.

They confused the gift of individuality and co-creation
  as a disconnection from the whole,
  not realizing that individuality and wholeness are indivisible,
  the essential alchemy of ONENESS,
  the energy that creates,
  the potential to give rise to something more.

In their confusion, they crafted a story of that moment,
  ‘The Separation From The ONE’.

Devastated by the perceived loss,
  they sought to understand the banishment.
  Unable to fathom that they could be so terrible as to cause it,
  but fraught with guilt created from confusion,
  they sought others to bear the burden, to carry the responsibility,
  and they assigned fault and punishment accordingly.

Where once there was fulfillment in being ONE with the whole,
  there developed a feeling of separateness and isolation,
  and a sense that the ‘other’ and their differences were somehow to blame.

Fear replaced love,
  and the people became thirsty, hungry, frightened.

Striving to fulfill this unquenchable thirst,
  they stood on the shoulders of others to find release from the horror,
  unaware that they were crushing the others into the ground.

An undulating mass of humanity clawed toward the sky.
  Voracious was their hunger, insatiable their thirst,
  gluttonous for more, ever more,
  but never sated.

Searching, climbing, acquiring, using, discarding;
  leaving behind destruction, death, sorrow;
  creating separation, isolation, aloneness;
  frenzied, frightened, climbing, climbing, climbing…

Never realizing that the hunger, the thirst,
  was not, in fact,
  hunger and thirst.

It was the soul’s sorrow,
  the soul’s inability to live in this illusion of separation and isolation;
  the soul’s attempts to reconnect
  to the ONE.

Unsated, lost and misguided,
  humanity struggled in vain in the illusion of separation and isolation.

Groping for water that can never quench the thirst;
  eating into obesity, but never sated;
  blaming others to quell the insidious, devastating feeling of aloneness…'

'We will never find our way on this path', explained the Chief.

'It is the ONENESS we seek.

There and only there, will we find peace.
  There and only there will the fanatical drive to fill the emptiness be quieted.

We need only remember…

We are ONE…
  unique, different as stars in the sky,
  but always

ONE

In our remembering,
  in our release from the illusion of separation,
  we will find love, compassion, peace.

We will see, once again,
  the light within each and every one of us;

And we can become that which the Creator envisioned,
  co-creators, givers of life, beings of light and love.’

Wake this day in prayer  

Walk this day in prayer

I AM the Stars and the Moon

Allow ME in you
  I AM the stars and the moon
  I AM you, the ants, the grass

Come with ME
  live in ME
  feel the ALL
  the nothing

There I AM

And there, so ARE you

You are frightened
  you fear loss of self
  so tied are you to the identity
  you have crafted for your self

One day you will see...
  That identity clouds
  your vision
  of what really IS

I AM
  You ARE

This is why you can be anything
  because I AM

But, herein lies the essence of this existence
  to experience the illusion
  that you are separate from ME
  to learn that you never were apart from ME
  and in that journey
  to learn the lessons you set out to explore
  in this lifetime.

I invite you every moment
  to let go and allow ME
  fully

I honor your fear, your reticence.
  I smile for I love you
  always
  no matter  what.

You ARE learning
  You ARE almost there.

I can wait for your journey to unfold before you
  I take pleasure in your journey
  But know that I AM
  always here,
  even when you can't see ME.

And, one day,
  you will realize that you never had
  to go anywhere or
  do anything
  or be anything
  to have my love.

Climb your mountains
  and know that
  where ever you ARE
  so will I BE.

Just As They Are

'The ability to give form to your most cherished dreams and visions
already exists within you.'

Gayan Silvie Winter & Jo Dose

So, what would they be...
  these cherished dreams and visions?

Might I find them if I search the
  deepest corners of my soul?
  I fear they may be hidden,
  tucked away to keep them safe
  from the 'realities' of this life.

But, in that dark corner,
  they grow musty, dank, dreary.
  The life force they were meant to
  give through our release of them
  into this life
  is drained,
  leaving a crusty shell
  filled only with dim memories
  and unfulfilled potential.

We spend our lives
  preparing our selves
  for the future, for what might come next.
  And yet, we know not...really...
  what lies in the future.

In all that preparing,
  do we keep stored the dreams and visions
  that were ready all along
  to manifest right now, today,
  in this life?

The epic journey is inside our selves.
  Our walk in this life is filled with gifts
  that nourish that epic journey.
  Even as we are preparing,
  we are asked to let go
  our protection of the gifts given us.

We are never done learning, growing...
  And it is through release and offering our gifts
  that we develop them.

So, our invitation from spirit?
  Release our gifts to this life,
  in whatever form they now take.
  Breath life into our dreams and visions
  and allow them to take form,
  just as they are.

for Peace

So frightend am I
  in this 'oh so familiar' moment
  of endeavoring to find a source of sustenance,
  material sustenance that is.

And while spirit calls out to me
  not to send forth the negative energy
  into the future or the world,
  I can not help but think...
  there are so many who have these feelings.

By expressing them,
  perhaps I can affirm others,
  honor their fears and insecurities,
  and together pray for peace.

Perhaps, we can pray together,
  in our own language,
  to the spirits that guide our lives,
  in the spaces we find as sacred,
  in the way that fulfills our hearts,

but together,
  as one,
  for peace.

Chakra Mantra

I am safe
I am a creator
I am worthy
I am loved
I have voice
I can see
I AM

The Child Violated I

She came to me,
  not as the baby violated,
  but as a little girl, lost, confused, scared.

Then, I saw the baby that was her,
  vacant eyes, unmoving body.
  And, I realized that the horror of the experience
  had ripped a part of her soul from her.

The little girl loved Lilbit, danced in joy with that puppy.
  She gazed through my eyes at the open sky, the
  flowers pushing through the pregnant buds,
  the path before me.
  And again, she ran with that puppy,
  wanting to forget the horror,
  leave it forever.

Spirit spoke through me.
  'Now is not the time, child.
  I know you are hurting, confused, scared.
  I know you don't want to go back.
  But, it is not yet time.
  Your lessons are just beginning.
  You will bring joy to your grandfather
  and healing to your mother.'

'But, I don't want to go!' she cried.
  And, I felt the horror, the dark enclosing
  around her tiny soul, the inescapable
  fear...

Spirit showed us her grandfather,
  reaching timidly to the baby,
  and pulling back as the baby recoiled in fear.
  He cried and spoke softly to the baby,
  love and remorse for her pain tinging his gentle words.

Looking deeply into her vacant eyes,
  he begged her to come back,
  apologized for not being able to protect her,
  promised to stand forever by her side.

The girl child moved toward her grandfather,
  wanting the protection of his arms,
  the safety of his voice.

I encouraged her to keep going.
  'Go.  It will not be easy, but he loves you.
  Experience that love.  Share your light with him.
  Allow the healing.'

Timidly, and with trepidation, she stepped forward.

Then, I saw a light fill the baby's eyes.
  The grandfather, shocked at the sudden life in the baby,
  reached forward, but pulled back fearful of frightening her.
  But, the baby reached out and grabbed his finger.

A tear glistened on his cheek as he gently touched
  the baby's face
  and pulled her into his arms,
  hugging, loving, crying.

The Child Violated II

The horrors haunted me,
  even after prayer, cleansing, more prayer...

A dirge gripped my soul,
  suspending me in a state of unending grief,
  its tune dark, foreboding, angry.

From hummingbird, I recognized
  the dark in my soul and prayed.
  From jaguar, I reasoned with myself.
  Yet snake ruled, imposing its fear,
  mutating that fear into anger,
  letting slip that anger to an unsuspecting world.

And so the days passed,
  until this morning,
  I could no more dance with the horror
  alone.
  To spirit, I turned.

The new spirit guide was with me again,
  and I knew now that this was an angel.
  I started a ritual of cleansing and clearing,
  with Spirit sitting right in front of me.

Together, we cleansed and cleared.
  Spirit blew white light into my energy field
  and purified the darkness.
  We sealed and healed rips in the field.

Then, we cleansed the field
  of dark entities, me picking them off
  the field or my body and handing them
  to Spirit for cleansing.

I discovered an entity clutching my head,
  its tail wrapped around my neck
  and piercing my heart.

It hung on ferociously,
  unwilling to let go its grip
  on my heart and mind.

I saw Spirit
  reach into the field and touch the entity.

Red exploded all round me
  and the tears, the horror,
  the pain raged through my soul.
  But, the entity could not hold fast
  under the hand of Spirit.

Even as tears flowed,
  I felt the entity lifted from me
  and saw Spirit draw it unto itself.

A great peace filled the empty space.
  My head stopped hurting
  and my heart opened.

Dazed and lightened,
  inside and out,
  I re-emerged into this world.

Later, while on a walk,
  I heard,
  'You must be careful.
  You are not unassailable
  to the dark of spirit.
  Tread lightly, and always
  ask for help.
  I will be here, 
  always.'

The Child Violated III

Feel quiet today.
  A gentle spirit resides
  where just yesterday
  there was torment and chaos.

In awe
  at the power of Spirit
  to heal that which I can not
  touch.

Blessed,
  and aware
  that I am blessed.

And with the healing,
  another invitation to learn...

'You are weary, hurting, depleted.
  Be still.  Give yourself rest.
  Do not cast this negative energy
  into the future,
  and do not throw it
  onto another.'

So, as I revel in this place of peace
  and quiet,
  I am thankful for the epiphany
  and pray for guidance
  on how to integrate this wisdom
  into my daily walk.

Thanks

I learned that I am not ready for a dog - thankyou Lilbit.

I learned that sometimes words are inappropriate.  Rather,
  spirit calls us to grieve, pray and heal.

I learned that I can alter my perceptions from snake to jaguar to
  hummingbird to eagle and back, and that
  each offers different perceptions, insights and lessons.

I learned the answers already exist, and that
  I don't have to work for them.
  I just have to look and they are there.

I learned that the journey is within and that
  this life is the stage on which the lessons I wish to learn are offered.                     

I learned that those whom I identify as my greatest challenges are really
  my most loving teachers and allies.

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