sometimes,
a piece of music
arrives to give us all
a taste of heaven
and to suggest
that perhaps heaven
is all round us
we need only
to open our selves
to the possibility
Shostakovich: Piano Concerto #2, In F, Op. 102 - Andante
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Mistaking the Veneer for the Real
4 July 2011
Peace is not something you feign.
It simply reflects on your countenance
because it is inside you.
This helps to explain the times I have endeavored
to exude a wise countenance
and failed.
I was donning the garments,
not accessing wisdom.
It is said, 'You have to fake it till you make it.'
I have learned that the danger with this strategy
is that you can confuse these initial efforts
with the real thing,
and become focused on outward appearance rather
than on real wisdom.
So seems to be the challenge with all our efforts
to move toward God.
No matter the ritual or practice or belief...
We mistake the veneer for the real.
Peace is not something you feign.
It simply reflects on your countenance
because it is inside you.
This helps to explain the times I have endeavored
to exude a wise countenance
and failed.
I was donning the garments,
not accessing wisdom.
It is said, 'You have to fake it till you make it.'
I have learned that the danger with this strategy
is that you can confuse these initial efforts
with the real thing,
and become focused on outward appearance rather
than on real wisdom.
So seems to be the challenge with all our efforts
to move toward God.
No matter the ritual or practice or belief...
We mistake the veneer for the real.
Fear: Not a Scourge
19 August 2011
When someone shares a fear,
We seem quick to lay judgment on that person,
'You shouldn't be fearful.'
And with haste, we set to dispel the fear,
as if fear itself caused in us a deeper fear...
But, a fear of what?
Is not fear a basic human emotion?
In setting upon it as if it were a monster to be immediately dispensed,
is it possible we miss the lessons and gifts it offers to us?
What if, instead of judging and exorcising the fear in ourselves or another,
we summon the courage to ask what gifts it tendered?
What if we honored it, sat with it, observed it?
Perhaps, fear is not a scourge, but a gift.
What if, having learned the lesson offered through that gift,
the fear wanes on its own, having accomplished the purpose of our soul?
And, we venture forth, more fully our selves,
and gifted with compassion for ourselves and others
when the gift of fear next visits...
When someone shares a fear,
We seem quick to lay judgment on that person,
'You shouldn't be fearful.'
And with haste, we set to dispel the fear,
as if fear itself caused in us a deeper fear...
But, a fear of what?
Is not fear a basic human emotion?
In setting upon it as if it were a monster to be immediately dispensed,
is it possible we miss the lessons and gifts it offers to us?
What if, instead of judging and exorcising the fear in ourselves or another,
we summon the courage to ask what gifts it tendered?
What if we honored it, sat with it, observed it?
Perhaps, fear is not a scourge, but a gift.
What if, having learned the lesson offered through that gift,
the fear wanes on its own, having accomplished the purpose of our soul?
And, we venture forth, more fully our selves,
and gifted with compassion for ourselves and others
when the gift of fear next visits...
Inspired by the Mystery
19 November 2011
If this life
is, indeed, a thought experiment,
then one could imagine that our higher selves
do have infinite knowledge,
do have the answers to the
questions that taunt us through the generations.
And this is, precisely, the point.
If we do
have all the wisdom of the universe
tucked away deep inside our selves,
but the experiment is to learn what it means
to not have access to that,
then by definition, we can’t find
the answers we so desperately seek.
The purpose
is not to find those elusive answers,
but to learn to live without direct access to them,
to discover in our selves that which
exists in the unknown,
discerns possibilities,
experiments with ideas,
learns from the journey…
The delight,
the joy, the purpose is not to know,
but to play, to learn, to explore,
to experience the unknowing,
to be inspired by the mystery …
Balance
24 September 2011
Close your eyes and feel your body become quiet.
Close your eyes and feel your body become quiet.
Listen to your breath, feel the
air fill your lungs.
Enriching the blood, flowing then
outward to nourish
your body….legs, arms, hands, feet.
The chi flows in harmony throughout your body,
restoring the integrity of each molecule.
Another breath, slow, even,
deep.
Feel the opposites in your body
Left, right;
Higher, lower;
Inward, outward;
Upward, downward.
Feel the breath, the chi,
flowing in all directions.
Blending, balancing, harmonizing…
Feel the balance,
Left with right;
Higher with lower;
Inward with outward;
Upward with downward.
In balance, there is
harmony of opposites;
blending of diversity;
peace among many.
More…
There is alchemy…
an alchemy that allows creation;
that enables us to be co-creators.
In humans, as in all of nature,
diversity is requisite for life
and creation…
Right, left;
Upward, downward;
Breathing, exhaling;
Contemplation, action.
Balance teaches us to walk the middle path;
witness the opposites;
discern the uniqueness, the
difference;
celebrate the diversity.
For therein lie the seeds of creation.
Breathe deeply, slowly, feel the chi, feel the vibration
Allow life to flow though you,
unobstructed.
Our path is to clear the
obstructions,
one at a time, with compassion
for ones self
with loving kindness and patience.
Feel the opposites within your self.
hear the harmony created by the
differences,
not in conflict, but rather to
balance each other
to mix and blend.
The alchemy of life….
As in your body, so in life.
Extend now beyond your self
to touch the energy of others;
recognizing their difference;
realizing that difference,
diversity, is essential
for the alchemy of life, to create, to live.
Allowing the blending,
retaining the integrity of self
while integrating the difference offered by another.
Expanding, growing,
finding the oneness that defines
us all.
We are one.
Together, we bring balance to each other
And together, we create from the life force surging through
our union.
Balance,
Harmony
Blending, mixing
Alchemy
Life
Chi
Difference and oneness
Oneness and Allness
All in balance, in peace,
Together, One
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
I'm going to try to do something mundane,
walk home.
I'm hopeful that muse won't taunt me with words
I cannot record or remember
after this brief journey.
But, before I attempt this feat,
I want to say something.
Sometimes after the words spill from my fingers onto the page,
I return to read what muse spoke through me.
I am concerned always that new age platitudes will
pilfer the breath from the real life we all face
day after day,
belittle our best endeavors,
mock our falllibilities, and deny our deepest fears.
We are not new age platitudes.
Nor are we helpless, formless blobs.
We are the sum total of everything
we have ever experienced or thought or felt
or dreamed or feared.
We can not be reduced to a cliché
or a poem.
Words are ever insufficient to grasp the profound
experience of life,
But I am an artist of words.
They demand release,
so I give them voice.
I can claim no great wisdom, nor can I say with any certainty
that the words are 'right'.
They just are.
They offer themselves as a testimony and tribute
to life.
my love...
walk home.
I'm hopeful that muse won't taunt me with words
I cannot record or remember
after this brief journey.
But, before I attempt this feat,
I want to say something.
Sometimes after the words spill from my fingers onto the page,
I return to read what muse spoke through me.
I am concerned always that new age platitudes will
pilfer the breath from the real life we all face
day after day,
belittle our best endeavors,
mock our falllibilities, and deny our deepest fears.
We are not new age platitudes.
Nor are we helpless, formless blobs.
We are the sum total of everything
we have ever experienced or thought or felt
or dreamed or feared.
We can not be reduced to a cliché
or a poem.
Words are ever insufficient to grasp the profound
experience of life,
But I am an artist of words.
They demand release,
so I give them voice.
I can claim no great wisdom, nor can I say with any certainty
that the words are 'right'.
They just are.
They offer themselves as a testimony and tribute
to life.
my love...
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Free Association
26 September 2012
I've got it!
Life is like free association!
It just rambles on,
sometimes as planned,
but many times as if directed
not by ourselves, but by another.
The lines of our days
show up on the pages of our lives,
littered with run-on sentences,
paragraphs without endings,
stories cut short,
ideas repeated over and again,
and the occassional
inspired and powerful insight.
Ours is to rummage through the
apparent chaos to find
the jewels.
They are there,
often hidden among the wreckage
of plans gone awry,
or experiences we would prefer to forget.
They are there,
waiting for our discovery.
I've got it!
Life is like free association!
It just rambles on,
sometimes as planned,
but many times as if directed
not by ourselves, but by another.
The lines of our days
show up on the pages of our lives,
littered with run-on sentences,
paragraphs without endings,
stories cut short,
ideas repeated over and again,
and the occassional
inspired and powerful insight.
Ours is to rummage through the
apparent chaos to find
the jewels.
They are there,
often hidden among the wreckage
of plans gone awry,
or experiences we would prefer to forget.
They are there,
waiting for our discovery.
Happy Endings
26 September 2012
Strangers came to my home the other day.
They dressed respectfully, hiding the gold
draping their necks and replacing high heels with thongs,
like mine.
But, they could not hide their riches behind sad eyes
or cautious greetings.
You see, they know how to use a toilet.
'A toilet', say you. 'What of this toilet?'
I'm trying to tell you. They have seen a toilet.
They have used a toilet.
Wait. I see the disdain in your eyes,
the incredulity, the thinly veiled disgust.
At first, I thought you shared my sense of the oddity
of this situation.
But, I see now that the disgust in your eyes is not
directed at the strangers.
It is a disgust for me.
But why?
I have done you no harm.
I have children, see?
I work 16 hours a day to earn
$1.00
so that I can buy food for them.
I'm sorry that I cannot dress as you.
Then there would be no food for my babies.
I'm sorry that I don't know of toilets.
There is no such thing in this place that I live.
Never in my life have I seen one.
Please, accept this gift of water
to quench your thirst in this hot climate. No?
I'm sorry the river water doesn't please your palette.
Tell me, from where do you get the water in that bottle?
It is so clear.
Yes, thank you. I would like to taste it.
It is so sweet, clean.
I have never tasted water like this before.
I am ashamed now for offering you the water
from my home.
It's all I have.
I'm so sorry.
I suppose you'll have to leave now.
Wait, don't forget your paper and pen.
No, I don't need it. What would I do with a paper and pen?
Will it feed my children? Can I sell it?
What will you do with that paper and pen?
Tell stories? What stories will you tell?
Who will read them?
I hope there is a happy ending to your stories.
We all want that, right?
Strangers came to my home the other day.
They dressed respectfully, hiding the gold
draping their necks and replacing high heels with thongs,
like mine.
But, they could not hide their riches behind sad eyes
or cautious greetings.
You see, they know how to use a toilet.
'A toilet', say you. 'What of this toilet?'
I'm trying to tell you. They have seen a toilet.
They have used a toilet.
Wait. I see the disdain in your eyes,
the incredulity, the thinly veiled disgust.
At first, I thought you shared my sense of the oddity
of this situation.
But, I see now that the disgust in your eyes is not
directed at the strangers.
It is a disgust for me.
But why?
I have done you no harm.
I have children, see?
I work 16 hours a day to earn
$1.00
so that I can buy food for them.
I'm sorry that I cannot dress as you.
Then there would be no food for my babies.
I'm sorry that I don't know of toilets.
There is no such thing in this place that I live.
Never in my life have I seen one.
Please, accept this gift of water
to quench your thirst in this hot climate. No?
I'm sorry the river water doesn't please your palette.
Tell me, from where do you get the water in that bottle?
It is so clear.
Yes, thank you. I would like to taste it.
It is so sweet, clean.
I have never tasted water like this before.
I am ashamed now for offering you the water
from my home.
It's all I have.
I'm so sorry.
I suppose you'll have to leave now.
Wait, don't forget your paper and pen.
No, I don't need it. What would I do with a paper and pen?
Will it feed my children? Can I sell it?
What will you do with that paper and pen?
Tell stories? What stories will you tell?
Who will read them?
I hope there is a happy ending to your stories.
We all want that, right?
Mommy, Touch Me
26 September 2012
oh my god
the music,
it is here again
bearing the agony of loss
I thought gone
the music
carries with it the memories,
the feelings,
the days
of life that we shared.
my dearest mother,
gone from my walk
always by my side, I know
but the little girl inside me
cries for your hand upon her shoulder
mourns her loss of you
the music sings my sorrow
draws me close to you
and reminds me of the separation
I live with every day
it is hard, mom,
suddenly realizing you are the
elder generation
because your mother and father
have passed from your side
It is frightening to hold the responsibility
you pass to me
Though menopause transforms this body
my soul is forever your child
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
Evacuee, Shepherd Moons, Enya
oh my god
the music,
it is here again
bearing the agony of loss
I thought gone
the music
carries with it the memories,
the feelings,
the days
of life that we shared.
my dearest mother,
gone from my walk
always by my side, I know
but the little girl inside me
cries for your hand upon her shoulder
mourns her loss of you
the music sings my sorrow
draws me close to you
and reminds me of the separation
I live with every day
it is hard, mom,
suddenly realizing you are the
elder generation
because your mother and father
have passed from your side
It is frightening to hold the responsibility
you pass to me
Though menopause transforms this body
my soul is forever your child
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
Evacuee, Shepherd Moons, Enya
Blue Luminescence
26 September 2012
blue
luminescence radiates from her gown
like an angel
floating across the mossy floor
of the dark forest
feet stepping, but not touching
quiet all round
the stars, her home
yearning for the peace there,
but suspended just above the
breathing earth
I am love embodied
I was brought here by you
I am pure beauty
promise
hope
and I am yours
blue rays spinning ever
outward
littering the moss with sparkles
from a distant star
rainbows absorbed by the hungry
earth
tingling, energizing, animating
life
that's
why I'm here
I am life
sweet, gentle
A Daily Practice
26 September 2012
Come now.
You can’t
have come these many years
and not bear the mark of life upon your
breast.
It is there.
You just can’t
see it
for all the
veils behind which you hide.
Shut off the TV
Disconnect the
computer
Kill the
video games
Put down the
glass and the cigarette and the pot
and all the
other vises you use to escape
the feeling
of life.
Strip bare all that covers you.
Stand naked
and gaze upon the
the babe without the swaddling clothes;
the bruises, gashes, wrinkles, sags and
blemishes,
sorrows, shame, desires…
All of it.
This is you.
Dare now,
in full
light of the All that is you
to embrace,
gift compassion to,
feel unconditional love for,
your
self.
Then look deeply into your eyes,
your soul,
and see a
blessed and mysterious being
worthy of
the love and compassion
you have
gifted it.
Witness now the babe,
nourished from love.
And see the rest of you,
the dreamer, the lover, the creator,
the beauty and hope and promise
that is no other,
but you.
Walk this day in the light
that is you.
What Is and Isn't
26 September 2012
Tears,
quiet, warm and gentle.
Different than before
when they burned my skin,
gave substance to the shattering that was my heart.
Beyond the questions
of why, how, why, why, why,
and the desperate, futile search
for nonexistent answers.
Feeling rather the awe
of having met again in this life,
recognizing spirit beyond form,
seeing once again a soul
forever connected to my own.
Knowing the connection
started long before,
and will last beyond,
this incarnation.
Love stayed in this life,
yet not over,
never over.
Watching your walk from afar,
nursing the familiar ache of what
can't be,
walking my own path,
aware always of having touched
beauty,
and thankful for
knowing you are there.
Tears,
quiet, warm and gentle.
Different than before
when they burned my skin,
gave substance to the shattering that was my heart.
Beyond the questions
of why, how, why, why, why,
and the desperate, futile search
for nonexistent answers.
Feeling rather the awe
of having met again in this life,
recognizing spirit beyond form,
seeing once again a soul
forever connected to my own.
Knowing the connection
started long before,
and will last beyond,
this incarnation.
Love stayed in this life,
yet not over,
never over.
Watching your walk from afar,
nursing the familiar ache of what
can't be,
walking my own path,
aware always of having touched
beauty,
and thankful for
knowing you are there.
The Small Price of Fear
26 September 2012
What would happen if you committed
100% of your being
to the call of spirit?
How would it change
the passing of your days,
the reality you see,
the person you are?
What stands in your way
to be all that you
were meant -
have potential -
to be?
Why is pursuing
the greatness inside us
like standing on a cliff
and taking a step into thin air?
How do we step back
from our fears
long enough
to allow spirit?
to see our own
potential?
--------------------
Why is my foot so heavy?
I try to lift it to take that step,
but it feels as concrete.
Again, I curse the fragility of my faith,
the cowardliness that stands unmoving
in the path of my
becoming.
'Why must you perseverate
on this "becoming"?' asks my fear.
'Why can't you just be happy
with that which you see
in the mirror?
You, really, are no more than that.'
'These dreams of yours
are just that, dreams.
What purpose do they serve,
except as fodder for the depression
that ensues when you
juxtapose them to your reality?'
'Step back from the cliff.
Don't risk.
Let me, your fear, guide you to safety.
Slip into my arms
and feel the peace
of non-movement,
un-being,
stilled thought,
non-existence.
'Yes, there is a price to pay,
namely the search for
the "All" you so vehemently
avow exists.
But you'll see upon reflection,
it was always
just an illusion.'
'In return for this small price,
I give you quiet;
an end to your fruitless search
for meaning;
a blanket to drape over your mind
so you don't have to think
anymore;
safety;
security.'
'It's your choice.
I offer it to you
every day
in the panic that hides just below the surface,
each night
in the sweats that break your sleep.
'I'll always be here.'
'I come clad as
your doubts,
your rationale,
your panic.'
'You need only
step back from the cliff,
let your foot fall back upon the earth,
stop dreaming,
stop reaching,
stop believing.'
'That's all I ask.'
What would happen if you committed
100% of your being
to the call of spirit?
How would it change
the passing of your days,
the reality you see,
the person you are?
What stands in your way
to be all that you
were meant -
have potential -
to be?
Why is pursuing
the greatness inside us
like standing on a cliff
and taking a step into thin air?
How do we step back
from our fears
long enough
to allow spirit?
to see our own
potential?
--------------------
Why is my foot so heavy?
I try to lift it to take that step,
but it feels as concrete.
Again, I curse the fragility of my faith,
the cowardliness that stands unmoving
in the path of my
becoming.
'Why must you perseverate
on this "becoming"?' asks my fear.
'Why can't you just be happy
with that which you see
in the mirror?
You, really, are no more than that.'
'These dreams of yours
are just that, dreams.
What purpose do they serve,
except as fodder for the depression
that ensues when you
juxtapose them to your reality?'
'Step back from the cliff.
Don't risk.
Let me, your fear, guide you to safety.
Slip into my arms
and feel the peace
of non-movement,
un-being,
stilled thought,
non-existence.
'Yes, there is a price to pay,
namely the search for
the "All" you so vehemently
avow exists.
But you'll see upon reflection,
it was always
just an illusion.'
'In return for this small price,
I give you quiet;
an end to your fruitless search
for meaning;
a blanket to drape over your mind
so you don't have to think
anymore;
safety;
security.'
'It's your choice.
I offer it to you
every day
in the panic that hides just below the surface,
each night
in the sweats that break your sleep.
'I'll always be here.'
'I come clad as
your doubts,
your rationale,
your panic.'
'You need only
step back from the cliff,
let your foot fall back upon the earth,
stop dreaming,
stop reaching,
stop believing.'
'That's all I ask.'
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Time, an Ally; My Self, the Healer
21 September
2012
On this,
the anniversary of
my brother’s passing,
I recall that for
many years, the months of
September -
November have been difficult for me.
During these months,
I have experienced
all of the major losses in my life.
It’s been 12 years now,
since the last loss
shattered my life.
The pain and
horror attending those losses
ravaged my heart, mind
and soul
through many of those years.
But, time has passed,
and the jagged
edges of the losses have smoothed,
in part perhaps
because, like the drip of water on stone,
the steady passage
of time slowly and persistently
permeated my
hardened heart, broke loose the
decaying fragments
of sorrow, and
washed them forever away.
There is more to the story,
though, than the
simple passage of time.
I believe time was
my ally, but not
the creative hand in my healing.
Its calm and resolute march into my
future
steadied me
through the convulsions of pain,
and gifted me with
the opportunity to fully explore
and experience
both the events bringing destruction
into my life, and
perhaps more importantly,
the dark corners
of my soul calling
for my attention and love.
These words are not meant to be the answer
to the questions
that wake you from your sleep, or a salve
to the nightmares that visit you in the
bright of day.
They are reflections only on my own
journeys,
and a loving hand reaching
from one to the other
to say that,
healing is a gift offered you from this nightmare.
But healing can
not come over night, for it requires that
you seek deeply
within your self for the wounds
it has opened and the wisdom it offers.
So, time is your ally.
It will continue
to patiently and
tirelessly march
forward, offering you
another
opportunity, and another, until
you find your way to healing.
Monday, September 17, 2012
A Lesson Unlearned
18 September 2012
I wake, excited to start the day's work,
decide to check the news and sip my coffee.
The excitement now gone,
replaced by a deep sorrow,
tears,
and the question
that begs for an answer...
Why do we cause each other
such pain?
Through the ages,
all peoples,
every society...
Some find their way
to positions of power and control
over others.
To get and stay there,
they systematically
oppress,
suppress,
kill,
maim,
destroy
everything
in their path.
Those of us upon whom they tread
stand up,
crowd the streets,
chant and cry and demand
that it stop,
that we deserve the
life they are destroying.
But, still they come,
armed with money and resources
they stole from us,
skilled in the ways of
deception,
propaganda,
control,
creation of fear,
turning us on ourselves,
so that we lay blame
at the feet of another
equally hurt by the
ruse created
so maliciously,
so intentionally,
so effectively,
by the 1%.
We shall find our hope
when we gaze in the mirror,
when we join with our neighbor,
when we embrace each other
regardless of our differences,
when we realize
that life
does not demand
sacrifice of another
for its own sustenance.
Life thrives on love,
grows through celebrating difference,
expands through giving,
reveals its exquisite beauty
in each and every face
and in each and every
gift given.
This must be an extremely important lesson for humankind,
as every age and every people
has been confronted
with the demise caused
by insatiable greed
turned into malice against others.
Witnessing the oppression
of the people,
weeping for their pain,
praying for the souls lost,
wondering,
how we will finally learn
this most fundamental
lesson.
I wake, excited to start the day's work,
decide to check the news and sip my coffee.
The excitement now gone,
replaced by a deep sorrow,
tears,
and the question
that begs for an answer...
Why do we cause each other
such pain?
Through the ages,
all peoples,
every society...
Some find their way
to positions of power and control
over others.
To get and stay there,
they systematically
oppress,
suppress,
kill,
maim,
destroy
everything
in their path.
Those of us upon whom they tread
stand up,
crowd the streets,
chant and cry and demand
that it stop,
that we deserve the
life they are destroying.
But, still they come,
armed with money and resources
they stole from us,
skilled in the ways of
deception,
propaganda,
control,
creation of fear,
turning us on ourselves,
so that we lay blame
at the feet of another
equally hurt by the
ruse created
so maliciously,
so intentionally,
so effectively,
by the 1%.
We shall find our hope
when we gaze in the mirror,
when we join with our neighbor,
when we embrace each other
regardless of our differences,
when we realize
that life
does not demand
sacrifice of another
for its own sustenance.
Life thrives on love,
grows through celebrating difference,
expands through giving,
reveals its exquisite beauty
in each and every face
and in each and every
gift given.
This must be an extremely important lesson for humankind,
as every age and every people
has been confronted
with the demise caused
by insatiable greed
turned into malice against others.
Witnessing the oppression
of the people,
weeping for their pain,
praying for the souls lost,
wondering,
how we will finally learn
this most fundamental
lesson.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
The Hummingbird
17 September 2012
The Chief asked me to sit with hir.
I say 'hir' because as I gazed at hir,
I saw both male and female.
We sat opposite the fire.
No one else was there.
The Chief wanted to sit with me
alone.
She asked me to quiet myself
and focus on her.
But I heard the flute
and turned to see its player.
Then, I heard the drum
and shifted to see the drummer.
All the while, the Chief
waited patiently for my attention.
Then, I saw a hummingbird
dancing lightly beside the Chief,
flitting from one thing to the next,
never still.
And I smiled at the restless
commotion that is my mind,
like the Hummingbird,
never still.
Chief called me to him.
Next I knew, he was hugging me,
holding me closely,
'All is okay,' he whispered.
Holding me, he sprang
from the earth to soar
above the clouds
and among the stars.
Flying through the dark,
peering down at the mountains,
descending to the village amongst the trees.
Like the Hummingbird, we hovered momentarily,
and then flew again.
Then, Chief let loose his hold
and I flew next to him,
as natural and easy
as the Hummingbird.
I saw no more than our flight,
and fell back to sleep wondering
if my vision had been cut short
for I didn't understand the purpose
of our meeting.
Until just this moment
as I write these words,
I did not understand.
One lesson that Hummingbird
gifts to us
is to relish the beauty
of the present moment.
Sometimes, to fly unbounded among the stars,
to witness the magnificence that is the earth,
is just enough.
The Chief asked me to sit with hir.
I say 'hir' because as I gazed at hir,
I saw both male and female.
We sat opposite the fire.
No one else was there.
The Chief wanted to sit with me
alone.
She asked me to quiet myself
and focus on her.
But I heard the flute
and turned to see its player.
Then, I heard the drum
and shifted to see the drummer.
All the while, the Chief
waited patiently for my attention.
Then, I saw a hummingbird
dancing lightly beside the Chief,
flitting from one thing to the next,
never still.
And I smiled at the restless
commotion that is my mind,
like the Hummingbird,
never still.
Chief called me to him.
Next I knew, he was hugging me,
holding me closely,
'All is okay,' he whispered.
Holding me, he sprang
from the earth to soar
above the clouds
and among the stars.
Flying through the dark,
peering down at the mountains,
descending to the village amongst the trees.
Like the Hummingbird, we hovered momentarily,
and then flew again.
Then, Chief let loose his hold
and I flew next to him,
as natural and easy
as the Hummingbird.
I saw no more than our flight,
and fell back to sleep wondering
if my vision had been cut short
for I didn't understand the purpose
of our meeting.
Until just this moment
as I write these words,
I did not understand.
One lesson that Hummingbird
gifts to us
is to relish the beauty
of the present moment.
Sometimes, to fly unbounded among the stars,
to witness the magnificence that is the earth,
is just enough.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
What is This Thing, Love?
5 April 2011
What is this thing, love?
From whence does it come?
It appears, unbidden,
yet refuses to show its face upon petition.
Never simple, never what was imagined.
Rich beyond recognition,
calling forth the light and the dark deep in our souls.
Penetrating every cell of our being;
exciting physical passion;
releasing tender compassion;
inspiring exquisite understanding.
No, not a simple encounter.
An invitation into
exploration of the universe inside one's self
through the dance with another.
To the courageous warrior does it beckon,
for it doesn't come laced in the frill and fairy dust
we so innocently overlay on it during those first lustful moments.
It comes in full force,
to expose all that lies within;
to challenge the hurts, the anger, the mis-perceptions;
to ask us to rise above our past, our bodies, our expectations;
to glimpse the eternal, the ever-changing and unmoving force
of life,
of creation.
Dare we?
In those exquisitely beautiful eyes breathes the All that is;
and in love, it invites us in...
What is this thing, love?
From whence does it come?
It appears, unbidden,
yet refuses to show its face upon petition.
Never simple, never what was imagined.
Rich beyond recognition,
calling forth the light and the dark deep in our souls.
Penetrating every cell of our being;
exciting physical passion;
releasing tender compassion;
inspiring exquisite understanding.
No, not a simple encounter.
An invitation into
exploration of the universe inside one's self
through the dance with another.
To the courageous warrior does it beckon,
for it doesn't come laced in the frill and fairy dust
we so innocently overlay on it during those first lustful moments.
It comes in full force,
to expose all that lies within;
to challenge the hurts, the anger, the mis-perceptions;
to ask us to rise above our past, our bodies, our expectations;
to glimpse the eternal, the ever-changing and unmoving force
of life,
of creation.
Dare we?
In those exquisitely beautiful eyes breathes the All that is;
and in love, it invites us in...
The Energy, a Teacher
28 March 2011
I am praying underneath the tree before starting my journey.
An angel appears and lifts me up.
Gently she holds me, descends through the tree,
and places me on the ground.
I have no time to make my request of her
as she is immediately in the middle of the field.
She is surrounded by four stones, a cup on each.
Energy swirls above the cups, emerging from their centers.
Then I see the earth dissolve and pour into the cups.
I hear, ‘safety’.
The light from the angel spreads, dissolving the cups.
I am prone,
I present my request to dissolve my barriers.
Now I am in the teepee.
I ask the Chief to dissolve the barriers and show me my place in the world.
Suddenly Kundalini Energy flares in my first three chakras
and burns in my hands.
Its strength shocks me out of the journey
and brings me back into my body.
Hearing the drumming,
Feeling the Energy surging.
Boiling, broiling, surging, relentless…
Then, I see a triangle between my hands and my first chakra;
Energy bounding the force in it,
holding me to the ground.
I can’t move.
I feel tendrils growing out of the back of my body
and the back of my hands,
drilling deep into the earth.
Attached to the earth by Energy
pulsating, strong.
Remembering, I try to move the Energy up through the chakras.
But it won’t move.
It is tenacious, unyielding.
Instead of moving up,
I feel it moving down through the tendrils
into the earth.
It flows out of me into the earth, but it doesn’t go away.
It’s departure is not its depletion.
In and out I move, from here to there,
this reality to the other.
Finally, I ask the Chief for help.
I am laying on my back in the teepee next to the fire.
He is kneeling above me.
He waves his hands in circular motion above my abdomen.
I still can’t move, but feel healing.
The angel picks me up and carries me back up through the tree.
She lays me on the ground,
the Energy still pulsating, the tendrils still drilling into the earth,
the pain only momentarily quelled.
‘Don’t run from the Energy.
Don’t try to move it through your body.
Stay with it.
It brings information, lessons, healing.
Stay with it.’
Crying
1 April 2011
Crying all night, crying now.
Healing, healing, crying.
'Heal from the inside first.
It's supposed to be happening right now, in this way.
Allow...
Feel...
Don't be frightened, we are by your side, holding your heart.'
I am not frightened.
I feel deeply; profound pain.
Sorrow.
But, I am not drowning;
I am not giving up;
I don't feel lost.
'This is the path of deep healing.'
It is grief - profound, simple.
My soul weeping.
Free falling into the loving hand of Spirit,
of God.
Crying all night, crying now.
Healing, healing, crying.
'Heal from the inside first.
It's supposed to be happening right now, in this way.
Allow...
Feel...
Don't be frightened, we are by your side, holding your heart.'
I am not frightened.
I feel deeply; profound pain.
Sorrow.
But, I am not drowning;
I am not giving up;
I don't feel lost.
'This is the path of deep healing.'
It is grief - profound, simple.
My soul weeping.
Free falling into the loving hand of Spirit,
of God.
Witnessing the Energy
30 March 2011
Yesterday, the Energy transformed inside me during yoga,
an experience I've come to anticipate and relish.
It changed from the chaotic, exploding, burning, broiling Energy
into a tingling, gentle buzzing sensation filtered throughout my entire body.
In the end,
I felt it rising out of every pore and penetrating the earth beneath me.
I felt my entire weight on the earth, but did not feel heavy.
Light and entirely connected to the earth - simultaneously.
------------
I realize now my entire effort has been to rid my body of the Energy.
The journey taught me that I'm supposed to sit with it.
I also learned that I have been seeking answers to the question of the Energy
with my intellect.
However, this is a gift of Spirit, so my quest needs to focus there.
So, I am asking Spirit,
'What is this energy?'
'Why does it visit me?'
'What lessons does it offer?'
Yesterday, the Energy transformed inside me during yoga,
an experience I've come to anticipate and relish.
It changed from the chaotic, exploding, burning, broiling Energy
into a tingling, gentle buzzing sensation filtered throughout my entire body.
In the end,
I felt it rising out of every pore and penetrating the earth beneath me.
I felt my entire weight on the earth, but did not feel heavy.
Light and entirely connected to the earth - simultaneously.
------------
I realize now my entire effort has been to rid my body of the Energy.
The journey taught me that I'm supposed to sit with it.
I also learned that I have been seeking answers to the question of the Energy
with my intellect.
However, this is a gift of Spirit, so my quest needs to focus there.
So, I am asking Spirit,
'What is this energy?'
'Why does it visit me?'
'What lessons does it offer?'
Kundalini Energy
29 March 2011
Kundalini energy ignites the madness in me.
Pure, raw, primal.
Dancing on the edges of madness.
-----------------------
Power surging
Makes me want to run,
roar at the top of my lungs;
a primordial, raging roar;
the roar of dragons and monsters;
a roar that rips the sky and deadens sound itself.
-------------------------
Energy
Like hot, molten lava surging, pressing, pushing
to surface and escape its constricted bounds;
to explode from the earth.
Oblivious to the rage it pours down upon life;
fury and wrath its only knowing;
frenzied power shaking violently.
Release only
in its birth
into form.
-------------------
This path on which I walk can be so lonely.
Kundalini energy ignites the madness in me.
Pure, raw, primal.
Dancing on the edges of madness.
-----------------------
Power surging
Makes me want to run,
roar at the top of my lungs;
a primordial, raging roar;
the roar of dragons and monsters;
a roar that rips the sky and deadens sound itself.
-------------------------
Energy
Like hot, molten lava surging, pressing, pushing
to surface and escape its constricted bounds;
to explode from the earth.
Oblivious to the rage it pours down upon life;
fury and wrath its only knowing;
frenzied power shaking violently.
Release only
in its birth
into form.
-------------------
This path on which I walk can be so lonely.
Disorder, Chaos and Choice
22 March 2011
If, indeed, we are in a period of massive transition,
then chaos will reign –
chaos meaning life as different than we have come to expect it,
not crisis.
So, strange emotions, physical sensations, visions emerge;
time changes;
‘order’ dissolves;
the veil shifts allowing periodic flashes of things to come and then
darkening us even to our own souls.
Fear will grow
and feed on itself,
for that is the nature of fear.
Fear is as natural as the earthquake.
One thing, however, differentiates us from the earth…
We can change events with our thought.
The fear, like an earthquake, can arise in our souls.
But, unlike the quake which the earth can not stop,
we can choose – or not choose – the fear.
And if we choose to step away from the fear,
what is there for us
to do, to be?
Envision a future?
Pick up some dirt and a stone
and start to craft that future?
Touch another and dissolve the fear?
If, indeed, we are in a period of massive transition,
then chaos will reign –
chaos meaning life as different than we have come to expect it,
not crisis.
So, strange emotions, physical sensations, visions emerge;
time changes;
‘order’ dissolves;
the veil shifts allowing periodic flashes of things to come and then
darkening us even to our own souls.
Fear will grow
and feed on itself,
for that is the nature of fear.
Fear is as natural as the earthquake.
One thing, however, differentiates us from the earth…
We can change events with our thought.
The fear, like an earthquake, can arise in our souls.
But, unlike the quake which the earth can not stop,
we can choose – or not choose – the fear.
And if we choose to step away from the fear,
what is there for us
to do, to be?
Envision a future?
Pick up some dirt and a stone
and start to craft that future?
Touch another and dissolve the fear?
Allow hope to sparkle all round us?
Be the creators we were made to be???
Be the creators we were made to be???
Aloneness is an Illusion
13 January 2011
Saw myself as a child,
frightened by being alone.
Heard, 'Aloneness is an illusion.'
Saw myself surrounded by angels and beings.
Love infused the space between us.
Love was the energy of us.
I was, at once, me and part of the All.
I melted in and out of oneness.
I need to understand, know the feeling of 'aloneness'
so that I may teach oneness.
Saw all the people in my life
and the gifts they have given me,
the hardest gifts to receive also the
most important.
To those who brought and continue to bring me
the most important gifts,
I am eternally grateful.
Felt once again,
the profound gratitude
to all
for all I have been given.
Saw myself as a child,
frightened by being alone.
Heard, 'Aloneness is an illusion.'
Saw myself surrounded by angels and beings.
Love infused the space between us.
Love was the energy of us.
I was, at once, me and part of the All.
I melted in and out of oneness.
I need to understand, know the feeling of 'aloneness'
so that I may teach oneness.
Saw all the people in my life
and the gifts they have given me,
the hardest gifts to receive also the
most important.
To those who brought and continue to bring me
the most important gifts,
I am eternally grateful.
Felt once again,
the profound gratitude
to all
for all I have been given.
Come Now Peace
25 November 2011
Come now peace,
trumpeted as free.
Begrudging gift,
bereft of kindness,
mocking my heart,
deficient of that which it taunts.
Peace
Not here,
not for now,
not for ever.
Come now peace,
trumpeted as free.
Begrudging gift,
bereft of kindness,
mocking my heart,
deficient of that which it taunts.
Peace
Not here,
not for now,
not for ever.
Alone
2 December 2011
Tears brim,
the weight lifts from my body,
a sense of freedom takes its place.
Lifting my spirit airborne.
Gifting me with the sight of the eagle.
Illuminating for me the potential that is me,
and the future I can co-create.
Reminding me,
even as I revel in this new place which I find myself,
that I walked not alone.
Never was I,
nor ever will I be,
alone.
--------------------------------
How do we get to really believing
really feeling
that we are not alone?
Tears brim,
the weight lifts from my body,
a sense of freedom takes its place.
Lifting my spirit airborne.
Gifting me with the sight of the eagle.
Illuminating for me the potential that is me,
and the future I can co-create.
Reminding me,
even as I revel in this new place which I find myself,
that I walked not alone.
Never was I,
nor ever will I be,
alone.
--------------------------------
How do we get to really believing
really feeling
that we are not alone?
Dare You Seek?
2 December 2011
Dare you seek the dark corner of the human soul?
Hold it in your hands, embrace it in your arms?
Allow it to be its full lusty, arrogant, frightened self?
Or is it forever destined to be locked tightly behind the doors
of 'socially appropriate' new age truisms?
Dare you suspend notions of 'right' and 'should be'
to allow what is,
to taste, to feel, to honor
the darkness that shares your soul?
For in that darkness lie the seeds of your growth,
the promise of your transcendence
from that which you are
into
that which you can be.
Touch the black.
Suspend judgment.
Fill the empty space with love and honor
of all that you are.
Dare you seek the dark corner of the human soul?
Hold it in your hands, embrace it in your arms?
Allow it to be its full lusty, arrogant, frightened self?
Or is it forever destined to be locked tightly behind the doors
of 'socially appropriate' new age truisms?
Dare you suspend notions of 'right' and 'should be'
to allow what is,
to taste, to feel, to honor
the darkness that shares your soul?
For in that darkness lie the seeds of your growth,
the promise of your transcendence
from that which you are
into
that which you can be.
Touch the black.
Suspend judgment.
Fill the empty space with love and honor
of all that you are.
Awaken into the Now
2 December 2011
Disappointment,
child of expectation.
Expectation,
veil upon our eyes,
clouding our vision
of now.
The Now
Awaken to the Now...
The glory is in this moment;
this moment,
the only you can ever live.
Shed expectation,
like leaves, complete in their lives,
gracefully,
Letting go
Letting fly
Letting live
the Now.
Disappointment,
child of expectation.
Expectation,
veil upon our eyes,
clouding our vision
of now.
The Now
Awaken to the Now...
The glory is in this moment;
this moment,
the only you can ever live.
Shed expectation,
like leaves, complete in their lives,
gracefully,
Letting go
Letting fly
Letting live
the Now.
Transition to Crone
2 December 2011
I find myself with women, all of whom are treading
this path of transition to a new form of being;
Alive in a new way, with
an entirely new body,
adult children, a career past...
and standing on the barely tread path of our future.
Threads of the past woven through our beings,
learning to acknowledge, love and let them go.
Learning to accept;
allowing to heal.
Finding courage to look upon the face, so different,
gazing at us in the mirror;
Recognizing the eyes,
seeing the soul,
matured yet anticipating new growth.
The body,
Laughing in love at its funny wrinkles and mysterious aches,
learning to love and respect its new form.
Understanding now the transitory nature of its walk with our spirit,
and living with gratitude to honor its brief, yet sacred, walk.
Awed by all that.
Rejoicing in new found wisdom.
Humbled by lessons that seek us over and again,
and that come as babes to
remind us that we are to grow, change and experiment
all the way through the final transition from this life
into whatever lies beyond.
Feeling tears and that familiar lump in my throat.
The tears held together by a complex network of
hope, love, sorrow, glee, humility, rejoicing, laughter...
but mostly
Awe
at All that is.
Gratitude
for All that is.
Rapture
in knowing
All that is
includes needs, loves
us All.
I find myself with women, all of whom are treading
this path of transition to a new form of being;
Alive in a new way, with
an entirely new body,
adult children, a career past...
and standing on the barely tread path of our future.
Threads of the past woven through our beings,
learning to acknowledge, love and let them go.
Learning to accept;
allowing to heal.
Finding courage to look upon the face, so different,
gazing at us in the mirror;
Recognizing the eyes,
seeing the soul,
matured yet anticipating new growth.
The body,
Laughing in love at its funny wrinkles and mysterious aches,
learning to love and respect its new form.
Understanding now the transitory nature of its walk with our spirit,
and living with gratitude to honor its brief, yet sacred, walk.
Awed by all that.
Rejoicing in new found wisdom.
Humbled by lessons that seek us over and again,
and that come as babes to
remind us that we are to grow, change and experiment
all the way through the final transition from this life
into whatever lies beyond.
Feeling tears and that familiar lump in my throat.
The tears held together by a complex network of
hope, love, sorrow, glee, humility, rejoicing, laughter...
but mostly
Awe
at All that is.
Gratitude
for All that is.
Rapture
in knowing
All that is
includes needs, loves
us All.
My Precious, Misguided Mind
3 December 2011
I keep hearing the voice
calling me into silence,
to hear, to write.
More separation from materialism,
more closeness to simplicity;
letting go, opening up.
Asceticism
I have not yet rejoiced in the freedom
I have crafted for myself.
Bound by self prescribed rules of vocation and success,
I look ever forward to what I'm 'supposed to be'
neglecting that which I am,
forging 'shoulds' where 'coulds' want to emerge.
Where is that freedom?
Who is its jailer?
I know - my mind - I know.
Such a dear, exquisite, simple child,
arrogant in its feats, ignorant of its limits,
ever the first to step boldly forward,
always the first to fall,
and the last to recognize its own folly.
I do love it, this precious, if oft misguided, mind!
I keep hearing the voice
calling me into silence,
to hear, to write.
More separation from materialism,
more closeness to simplicity;
letting go, opening up.
Asceticism
I have not yet rejoiced in the freedom
I have crafted for myself.
Bound by self prescribed rules of vocation and success,
I look ever forward to what I'm 'supposed to be'
neglecting that which I am,
forging 'shoulds' where 'coulds' want to emerge.
Where is that freedom?
Who is its jailer?
I know - my mind - I know.
Such a dear, exquisite, simple child,
arrogant in its feats, ignorant of its limits,
ever the first to step boldly forward,
always the first to fall,
and the last to recognize its own folly.
I do love it, this precious, if oft misguided, mind!
Smoke
22 March 2011
Smoke, smoke...I'd like to contemplate on that for a bit.
What does smoke symbolize to us? What lessons does it bear?
I've been thinking about chaos.
Chaos, as viewed through the lens of quantum physicx,
is not what we perceive it to be.
What I mean is that we tend to associate chaos with disorder and crises.
It bodes negative energy.
While it certainly is a huge 'stirring of the pot', chaos,
looked at from a bird's eye perspective,
is really creation, re-shaping, re-newingt, playing, testing, experimenting...
And if you look closely,
you can see the emergent patterns and shapes,
images of things to come.
So, we are both being stirred and doing the stirring!
The smoke, in that sense, represents
the part of all of this that keeps us humble and awed
by the creative power at work in our lives,
for it is so far beyond our meager understanding.
The smoke stirrs us
It fills our mouths with different tastes and sensations.
It burns our eyes, clouds our vision, makes us look in different directions.
And, it brings us together as community to work with it for the benefit of our community.
And, so we experiment, test ideas,
re-shape ourselves to fit the new context,
defined both by the smoke and by our actions in relation to the smoke.
In the end, we leave having been changed and having created change.
Creation - before us, of us, from us...
Smoke, smoke...I'd like to contemplate on that for a bit.
What does smoke symbolize to us? What lessons does it bear?
I've been thinking about chaos.
Chaos, as viewed through the lens of quantum physicx,
is not what we perceive it to be.
What I mean is that we tend to associate chaos with disorder and crises.
It bodes negative energy.
While it certainly is a huge 'stirring of the pot', chaos,
looked at from a bird's eye perspective,
is really creation, re-shaping, re-newingt, playing, testing, experimenting...
And if you look closely,
you can see the emergent patterns and shapes,
images of things to come.
So, we are both being stirred and doing the stirring!
The smoke, in that sense, represents
the part of all of this that keeps us humble and awed
by the creative power at work in our lives,
for it is so far beyond our meager understanding.
The smoke stirrs us
It fills our mouths with different tastes and sensations.
It burns our eyes, clouds our vision, makes us look in different directions.
And, it brings us together as community to work with it for the benefit of our community.
And, so we experiment, test ideas,
re-shape ourselves to fit the new context,
defined both by the smoke and by our actions in relation to the smoke.
In the end, we leave having been changed and having created change.
Creation - before us, of us, from us...
Finding Quiet
23 October 2011
Endeavoring to keep a day of reflection and silence,
quiet in action,
listening for the voice inside.
Interrupted by all manner of
planning, thinking,
emotions from the void of the unresolved,
sudden urges 'to do'...
Just now 8am.
Endeavoring to keep a day of reflection and silence,
quiet in action,
listening for the voice inside.
Interrupted by all manner of
planning, thinking,
emotions from the void of the unresolved,
sudden urges 'to do'...
Just now 8am.
Dying to Live, Living to Die
26 November 2011
'Bear we headings on the wrong course?' spoke I.
For naught does the sun shine,
nor the moon guide through the night.
Only blackness assails us from every side,
and waters pitch where monsters stir below.
Enter now my mind.
Caught in a vortex of madness and desire,
seeking refuge where there seems none.
Dying to live, living to die;
which comes first shall win this day.
'Bear we headings on the wrong course?' spoke I.
For naught does the sun shine,
nor the moon guide through the night.
Only blackness assails us from every side,
and waters pitch where monsters stir below.
Enter now my mind.
Caught in a vortex of madness and desire,
seeking refuge where there seems none.
Dying to live, living to die;
which comes first shall win this day.
Corners Round
3 December 2011
For every corner I round,
For every corner I round,
there awaits a corner dark;
bidding me forward,
a lure, irresistible as it is terrifying;
gripping my heart,
at once,
with fear and fascination…
It’s dark,
everywhere I look,
only dark.
And I,
alone in this dark,
feel no walls about me,
no floor beneath my feet.
Nor do stars shine upon me.
Suspended in nothing
dark
deafening quiet
Where is this place?
How did I get here?
Is there an ‘out there’
to which I can escape?
I am called, once again,
to another dark corner of my soul.
There is a being there in the dark.
It begs of me,
‘Bring your light.
Illuminate my sorrow.
Tell me that I am beauty unborn.
For I fear my own light;
I fear my light may not shine;
I fear there may not be, after all,
a light that is me.’
And so I stay hidden
in the dark --
the dark that is your own soul --
withering, emaciated and drawn
from self deprivation
and every kind of
self loathing you can imagine for me…
Yes, I did mean “you
can imagine for me”.
For, I am you.
You are me.
Can you not see?
Together we hide in
this darkness
of our making.
Together, we contrive
stories
of fear and vengeance
in this darkness.
Together, we shirk
from life;
finding solace in
non-movement, in
false gods of
‘security’ and ‘comfort’.
Together, we create
dark
so that we don’t have to see
that which blinds us,
confuses our senses,
upsets our precarious balance,
in this pitiful
existence.
Don’t turn away!
Don’t grasp at your
clichés!
Face me!
Know me!
I am You!
Dare you examine the
dark?
Dare you see me in you?
Dare you find your
light?
If you dare, I
forewarn you,
your choice will be but
to wallow or grow.
And while both will be
painful,
only one will bring the familiar
numbness that makes it
all so palatable.
Turn out the
light - again, forever –
Absolve yourself of
this messy thing – life.
Be done.
Drift, now, away into
nonfeeling, nonexistence
with me.
Oh my God! say I.
That can’t be me!
Such words of malice and
discontent!
Dis-ease within my own soul!
Be gone you!
There is a reason you hide in the dark.
There is a reason I keep you there.
Your words are poison, your countenance ugly,
your knowledge deadly.
You are not me;
rather some monster rising from the
depths
to threaten me, create fear.
You are a nightmare
striking at a defenseless soul.
Your grip is as a tyrant,
avaricious, malevolent!
Marauding as my soul!
How dare you!
I am not…
Not…
I am…
I…
‘You are…
What?’
Crystal Life
A giant bowl - crystal;
the ocean inside, sloshing at the rim.
Suspended in the universe;
purple darkness, radiant with light.
All the earth, all life on earth,
inside the bowl.
Beautiful, soft glowing,
faces at peace, at one with the Creator.
The crystal melts;
The ocean spills into the universe;
All
All
All dissolved into pure energy;
Still at peace;
Still one.
Vibrant, alive, pulsating, raw,
waiting to once again
take form, witness, learn, experience, act,
find one's way to All...
the ocean inside, sloshing at the rim.
Suspended in the universe;
purple darkness, radiant with light.
All the earth, all life on earth,
inside the bowl.
Beautiful, soft glowing,
faces at peace, at one with the Creator.
The crystal melts;
The ocean spills into the universe;
All
All
All dissolved into pure energy;
Still at peace;
Still one.
Vibrant, alive, pulsating, raw,
waiting to once again
take form, witness, learn, experience, act,
find one's way to All...
I Don't Understand
26 January 2011
I keep hearing that this existence is an illusion,
is a creation of God, the All, whatever name one calls upon.
We are all God, the All.
We are 'God incarnate'.
We are one.
We are here to experience, to witness.
Everything is perfect, just as it is.
Try as I might, however,
I don't understand.
The question that tore through my soul as a child,
that I have been trying to put aside to understand this way of thinking,
demands to be heard, demands a witness.
For it cries out not just from my soul,
but from countless other souls,
desperately trying to grasp the meaning of
the horror in their deaths,
the unspeakable ways in which other
'Gods Incarnate' murdered them.
Worse still is the crying of souls embodied,
the horror of waking another day into a perpetual nightmare,
unrelenting agony,
never, never a moment of peace,
never a loving hand upon their broken bodies.
What is this experiment!?
Is it necessary for the Creator to experience horror
in order to experience compassion?
Is this the ritualistic offering to our own ascension?
What is this?!
I don't understand.
No simple answers.
Please.
No pat answers.
No escape into pondering what's wrong with the one who dares to question.
We stand in the presence of tears,
of broken hearts,
of eyes haunted.
I don't know the answer.
I don't even know the questions anymore.
But I feel the tears - everywhere.
Perhaps the first flood was made from God's tears.
Surely, the next will run from our own.
I keep hearing that this existence is an illusion,
is a creation of God, the All, whatever name one calls upon.
We are all God, the All.
We are 'God incarnate'.
We are one.
We are here to experience, to witness.
Everything is perfect, just as it is.
Try as I might, however,
I don't understand.
The question that tore through my soul as a child,
that I have been trying to put aside to understand this way of thinking,
demands to be heard, demands a witness.
For it cries out not just from my soul,
but from countless other souls,
desperately trying to grasp the meaning of
the horror in their deaths,
the unspeakable ways in which other
'Gods Incarnate' murdered them.
Worse still is the crying of souls embodied,
the horror of waking another day into a perpetual nightmare,
unrelenting agony,
never, never a moment of peace,
never a loving hand upon their broken bodies.
What is this experiment!?
Is it necessary for the Creator to experience horror
in order to experience compassion?
Is this the ritualistic offering to our own ascension?
What is this?!
I don't understand.
No simple answers.
Please.
No pat answers.
No escape into pondering what's wrong with the one who dares to question.
We stand in the presence of tears,
of broken hearts,
of eyes haunted.
I don't know the answer.
I don't even know the questions anymore.
But I feel the tears - everywhere.
Perhaps the first flood was made from God's tears.
Surely, the next will run from our own.
What's the Point
10 February 2011
What if you walked your entire life on this path
and years down the road
suddenly realized
it was an illusion,
not real,
just a dream conjured up
by a being longing for meaning and purpose?
What if you woke up one day with one,
just one,
question,
'What's the point?'
and you couldn't answer it?
What if you walked your entire life on this path
and years down the road
suddenly realized
it was an illusion,
not real,
just a dream conjured up
by a being longing for meaning and purpose?
What if you woke up one day with one,
just one,
question,
'What's the point?'
and you couldn't answer it?
A Vision
15 February 2011
I was standing
when a cone of light shot down from the sky
and lifted me
higher and higher.
I watched as groups of people melted into continents,
which merged into a body known to humankind as 'earth'.
Further and further I was drawn.
The earth found its place in the universe.
Suddenly, the earth, devoured by the forces that surrounded it,
exploded
sending fragments far into the universe.
I felt a momentary fear and astonishment at the devastation,
followed immediately by a profound awareness of
God
as each fragment,
as the dark space between the fragments,
as the intention and Creator and explorer.
Then, I saw the universe as under a microscope,
the molecules and atoms dancing, bounding off each other,
playful, excited, experimenting,
finding each other and joining to create.
Beauty emerging from the new assemblages of mass and energy,
creation everywhere
and joy, wonder, glee in the process of life.
I felt God's smile.
And then, I saw -
destruction is part of creation;
always creation;
always playful, life giving creation;
all of it.
And, for the first time,
I understood this notion that
'All is perfect.'
I am a part of that creation, and a creator.
My person provides vision from one perspective for the Creator,
to view life, to experiment with creation, to meld human intention with divine will.
Opening my self to the Creator to flow through me,
I can choose
where to place my self,
the work I want to do;
for the opening and allowing is all that is asked.
Anywhere, in any situation,
the life-giving force of love can manifest
and beauty can be created.
For, it all is the canvas,
Africa, the streets of your home town,
the hearts of each and every soul that ever manifest in human form.
All are invitations and opportunities
to create beauty,
to offer oneself as a conduit for love and the Creator.
I was standing
when a cone of light shot down from the sky
and lifted me
higher and higher.
I watched as groups of people melted into continents,
which merged into a body known to humankind as 'earth'.
Further and further I was drawn.
The earth found its place in the universe.
Suddenly, the earth, devoured by the forces that surrounded it,
exploded
sending fragments far into the universe.
I felt a momentary fear and astonishment at the devastation,
followed immediately by a profound awareness of
God
as each fragment,
as the dark space between the fragments,
as the intention and Creator and explorer.
Then, I saw the universe as under a microscope,
the molecules and atoms dancing, bounding off each other,
playful, excited, experimenting,
finding each other and joining to create.
Beauty emerging from the new assemblages of mass and energy,
creation everywhere
and joy, wonder, glee in the process of life.
I felt God's smile.
And then, I saw -
destruction is part of creation;
always creation;
always playful, life giving creation;
all of it.
And, for the first time,
I understood this notion that
'All is perfect.'
I am a part of that creation, and a creator.
My person provides vision from one perspective for the Creator,
to view life, to experiment with creation, to meld human intention with divine will.
Opening my self to the Creator to flow through me,
I can choose
where to place my self,
the work I want to do;
for the opening and allowing is all that is asked.
Anywhere, in any situation,
the life-giving force of love can manifest
and beauty can be created.
For, it all is the canvas,
Africa, the streets of your home town,
the hearts of each and every soul that ever manifest in human form.
All are invitations and opportunities
to create beauty,
to offer oneself as a conduit for love and the Creator.
Still
21 March 2011
Journeyed...
A million bits of sparkling light,
I enter the tree from every leaf
and flow down the trunk;
Feeling the energy pushing up
through me, feeling the knots and crevasses;
emerging into the roots, smooth, cold, wet;
like blood through capillaries;
filtering out through the roots into the soil,
dark, cold, welcoming.
On my knees,
gratitude, thankfulness for all -
those who have come to me already,
those who will come,
those I will never see,
those who are angry, hurting...
even those who oppress.
White wolf is by my side.
The Crone takes my hands and pulls me to stand.
We form a circle in prayer.
The prayer circle continues around us,
spiraling out from the center,
growing and growing all round the earth.
At the center, we look up and see
light encased in an orb floating in the universe.
Our million prayers form a single word,
'please. please. please.'
The light from the orb envelopes the earth,
settles in to the pain,
holds us,
holds us all.
Still.
Still.
Still.
Journeyed...
A million bits of sparkling light,
I enter the tree from every leaf
and flow down the trunk;
Feeling the energy pushing up
through me, feeling the knots and crevasses;
emerging into the roots, smooth, cold, wet;
like blood through capillaries;
filtering out through the roots into the soil,
dark, cold, welcoming.
On my knees,
gratitude, thankfulness for all -
those who have come to me already,
those who will come,
those I will never see,
those who are angry, hurting...
even those who oppress.
White wolf is by my side.
The Crone takes my hands and pulls me to stand.
We form a circle in prayer.
The prayer circle continues around us,
spiraling out from the center,
growing and growing all round the earth.
At the center, we look up and see
light encased in an orb floating in the universe.
Our million prayers form a single word,
'please. please. please.'
The light from the orb envelopes the earth,
settles in to the pain,
holds us,
holds us all.
Still.
Still.
Still.
The Cloud over Western Thinking
24 March 2011
Those of us in western civilization,
steeped as we are in mechanistic and reductionist thinking,
which, btw, is a worldview we created for ourselves,
have created the illusion that
we can 'understand' by examination of ever more infinitesimal parts.
But, this pursuit has left us with partial and myopic vision.
What is then clouded from our view
is the life-giving force that animates all the parts.
We don't see the synapses firing between the parts,
infusing them with creative spirit,
transforming them through relationship,
breathing life into and through them into each other,
connecting them into something far greater than any one could ever conceive,
The whole - the One.
Those of us in western civilization,
steeped as we are in mechanistic and reductionist thinking,
which, btw, is a worldview we created for ourselves,
have created the illusion that
we can 'understand' by examination of ever more infinitesimal parts.
But, this pursuit has left us with partial and myopic vision.
What is then clouded from our view
is the life-giving force that animates all the parts.
We don't see the synapses firing between the parts,
infusing them with creative spirit,
transforming them through relationship,
breathing life into and through them into each other,
connecting them into something far greater than any one could ever conceive,
The whole - the One.
The Voice of Creation
24 March 2011
Love is the voice of creation.
Love has as many faces as the rain,
yet always, and in all its different forms,
it is love.
Watch as the love rains down around you;
notice its many forms;
witness how it subtly transforms;
feel the immutable mark it places upon your soul.
Know that you have been loved.
Love is the voice of creation.
Love has as many faces as the rain,
yet always, and in all its different forms,
it is love.
Watch as the love rains down around you;
notice its many forms;
witness how it subtly transforms;
feel the immutable mark it places upon your soul.
Know that you have been loved.
I Wonder
28 March 2011
I wonder
about those first moments of love,
when we become aware of the feelings
as something special, different;
those precious moments prior to
being shown the lessons we are to learn with and through this person.
Do we see that
we didn't create these feelings?
that they seem to come from somewhere outside ourselves?
I believe those first moments
are precious;
are the clarion call to our souls
that something special is being gifted to us.
I wonder
about those first moments of love,
when we become aware of the feelings
as something special, different;
those precious moments prior to
being shown the lessons we are to learn with and through this person.
Do we see that
we didn't create these feelings?
that they seem to come from somewhere outside ourselves?
I believe those first moments
are precious;
are the clarion call to our souls
that something special is being gifted to us.
Friday, September 14, 2012
I Know Not Where I Go
I sat on the only remaining chair in the mostly vacant house,
the house that had been my home for 11 years;
the house where I raised my children;
the house that witnessed the horror of loss
and the rebuilding of hope;
the house where I witnessed
the child that is me turn 50 years old.
It had taken two years to empty the house.
So much collects in the course of a lifetime;
things that we need,
things that we think that we need,
things that we don't need
and will never use,
things that we can't release because
their presence preserves a memory
of life past...
But, I had done it.
I had given away 95% of my material possessions
and now could fit everything I owned
into a small room.
And in a matter of hours,
I would leave this home for the last time.
It was time,
time to step forth onto a path
about which I had dreamt for many years.
I had spent the last eight years preparing
professionally for this journey.
I had searched deep into my soul to heal wounds,
to find new insights, to build strength
for the journey ahead.
And now, sitting in the empty house,
on the last chair,
in the last moments,
of this stage of my life,
I realized
I go forth
not fully prepared,
not completely healed,
not with the measure of faith I felt necessary.
I set foot upon this path
knowing my children's safety is not guaranteed
nor their futures secured.
I step into the unknown
in the midst of an economic downturn
and without the security of employment.
I don't know if I will find the relationship
that will take me to the end.
I don't have all the answers to all the questions,
and now I realize I don't even have all the questions.
But, that's the point.
We're not supposed to have it all figured out.
We are just asked to create what we can
with what we have
on the canvas that sits in front of us.
And that,
that
is the beauty
and opportunity
of this spirit walk.
the house that had been my home for 11 years;
the house where I raised my children;
the house that witnessed the horror of loss
and the rebuilding of hope;
the house where I witnessed
the child that is me turn 50 years old.
It had taken two years to empty the house.
So much collects in the course of a lifetime;
things that we need,
things that we think that we need,
things that we don't need
and will never use,
things that we can't release because
their presence preserves a memory
of life past...
But, I had done it.
I had given away 95% of my material possessions
and now could fit everything I owned
into a small room.
And in a matter of hours,
I would leave this home for the last time.
It was time,
time to step forth onto a path
about which I had dreamt for many years.
I had spent the last eight years preparing
professionally for this journey.
I had searched deep into my soul to heal wounds,
to find new insights, to build strength
for the journey ahead.
And now, sitting in the empty house,
on the last chair,
in the last moments,
of this stage of my life,
I realized
I go forth
not fully prepared,
not completely healed,
not with the measure of faith I felt necessary.
I set foot upon this path
knowing my children's safety is not guaranteed
nor their futures secured.
I step into the unknown
in the midst of an economic downturn
and without the security of employment.
I don't know if I will find the relationship
that will take me to the end.
I don't have all the answers to all the questions,
and now I realize I don't even have all the questions.
But, that's the point.
We're not supposed to have it all figured out.
We are just asked to create what we can
with what we have
on the canvas that sits in front of us.
And that,
that
is the beauty
and opportunity
of this spirit walk.
Spirit Embodied
15 September 2012
'Why are you afraid?' they ask me.
'Why do you resist our walk with you?'
You frighten me.
You take me to places far away,
show me things I cannot understand.
I want to stay in these places,
where I can feel wisdom as a blanket,
warm and safe.
I don't want to return to the uncertainty,
unknowing, confusion,
and sometime chaotic experience
of being human.
The things you share with me often surpass my understanding.
I spend my days trying to understand the words
that flow from my own fingers
onto hitherto blank pages.
'We are always here with you,
but we will always honor
your request for our presence.
You are not alone.
You are never, have never, and never will be
alone.'
'Aloneness is a story that you created.
You create these stories
so that you can learn and feel
the experience they offer.'
What is it to be lonely?
When I am alone, does that create loneliness?
When I am in a crowd of people,
does that create loneliness?
What does it mean
that I am never alone,
when so many times in my life
I have felt so very alone,
so very alone,
so very,
alone?
Yet, for all my questioning,
I know somewhere deep inside me that it is true.
I am never alone.
I am connected to something much larger
than the physical manifestation in which I find my self.
I am spirit embodied.
I animate this being of flesh
to experience,
to learn,
to witness,
to grow.
I never die.
I am at once
individual,
and forever
at one with the All.
So, my feelings of aloneness
truly
are a story that I have written for myself.
I create my experience of
separation from others
through the arbitrary boundaries I create...
family,
community,
language,
politics,
economic 'status'...
These boundaries,
which I create,
give me the experience of aloneness,
and loneliness.
At any time,
I can change this storyline,
and rejoin the All.
I can learn to take down the boundaries
which I have created between myself
and other living and inanimate beings.
I can feel the All of which I am a part.
I can stop the illusion of separateness.
I am spirit embodied.
Others are not embodied, but walk with us nonetheless.
When we leave this body,
we will join them
and will see again,
for certain,
that we never were alone.
'Why are you afraid?' they ask me.
'Why do you resist our walk with you?'
You frighten me.
You take me to places far away,
show me things I cannot understand.
I want to stay in these places,
where I can feel wisdom as a blanket,
warm and safe.
I don't want to return to the uncertainty,
unknowing, confusion,
and sometime chaotic experience
of being human.
The things you share with me often surpass my understanding.
I spend my days trying to understand the words
that flow from my own fingers
onto hitherto blank pages.
'We are always here with you,
but we will always honor
your request for our presence.
You are not alone.
You are never, have never, and never will be
alone.'
'Aloneness is a story that you created.
You create these stories
so that you can learn and feel
the experience they offer.'
What is it to be lonely?
When I am alone, does that create loneliness?
When I am in a crowd of people,
does that create loneliness?
What does it mean
that I am never alone,
when so many times in my life
I have felt so very alone,
so very alone,
so very,
alone?
Yet, for all my questioning,
I know somewhere deep inside me that it is true.
I am never alone.
I am connected to something much larger
than the physical manifestation in which I find my self.
I am spirit embodied.
I animate this being of flesh
to experience,
to learn,
to witness,
to grow.
I never die.
I am at once
individual,
and forever
at one with the All.
So, my feelings of aloneness
truly
are a story that I have written for myself.
I create my experience of
separation from others
through the arbitrary boundaries I create...
family,
community,
language,
politics,
economic 'status'...
These boundaries,
which I create,
give me the experience of aloneness,
and loneliness.
At any time,
I can change this storyline,
and rejoin the All.
I can learn to take down the boundaries
which I have created between myself
and other living and inanimate beings.
I can feel the All of which I am a part.
I can stop the illusion of separateness.
I am spirit embodied.
Others are not embodied, but walk with us nonetheless.
When we leave this body,
we will join them
and will see again,
for certain,
that we never were alone.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
The Oneness in Our Separation
August, 2011
I journeyed to the Chief to ask for wisdom.
I journeyed to the Chief to ask for wisdom.
He took me to the fire circle.
As I took my seat, spirits of all whom I love gathered.
Then more and more joined the circle
until I could no longer see the land,
only spirits gathered around the fire.
They put their arms around each other,
starting near the fire and winding back
as far as the eye could see…people holding each other in pure love.
And then, he spoke.
‘For many generations, the people lived as one.
There was joy, harmony, love, compassion.
Each distinct person was honored as of essential value to the whole, the one.
Uniqueness, difference, was celebrated as all understood each was necessary
to unity, wholeness, oneness.
Then, one day the Creator
gifted them with awareness of individuality, and
asked them to be co-creators,
to choose how they would add their unique light
to create life.
The people,
mistaking the gift as a severance from oneness,
became frightened.
They confused the gift of individuality and co-creation
as a disconnection from the whole,
not realizing that individuality and wholeness are indivisible,
the essential alchemy of oneness,
the energy that creates,
the potential to give rise to something more.
In their confusion, they crafted a story of that moment,
‘The Separation From The One’.
Devastated by the perceived loss,
they sought to understand the banishment.
Unable to fathom that they could be so terrible as to cause it,
but fraught with guilt created from confusion,
they sought others to bear the burden, to carry the responsibility,
and they assigned fault and punishment accordingly.
Where once there was fulfillment in being one with the whole,
there developed a feeling of separateness and isolation,
and a sense that the ‘other’ and their differences were somehow to blame.
Fear replaced love,
and the people became thirsty, hungry, frightened.
Striving to fulfill this unquenchable thirst,
they stood on the shoulders of others to find release from the horror,
unaware that they were crushing the others into the ground.
An undulating mass of humanity clawed toward the sky.
Voracious was their hunger, insatiable their thirst,
gluttonous for more, ever more,
but never sated.
Searching, climbing, acquiring, using, discarding;
leaving behind destruction, death, sorrow;
creating separation, isolation, aloneness;
frenzied, frightened, climbing, climbing, climbing…
Never realizing that the hunger, the thirst,
was not, in fact,
hunger and thirst.
It was the soul’s sorrow,
the soul’s inability to live in this illusion of separation and isolation;
the soul’s attempts to reconnect
to the one.
Unsated, lost and misguided,
humanity struggled in vain in the illusion of separation and isolation.
Groping for water that can never quench the thirst;
eating into obesity, but never sated;
blaming others to quell the insidious, devastating feeling of aloneness…
'We will never find our way on this path', explained the Chief.
It is the oneness we seek.
There and only there, will we find peace.
There and only there will the fanatical drive to fill the emptiness be quieted.
We need only remember…
We are one…
unique, different as stars in the sky,
but always
One
In our remembering,
in our release from the illusion of separation,
we will find love, compassion, peace.
We will see, once again,
the light within each and every one of us;
And we can become that which the Creator envisioned,
co-creators, givers of life, beings of light and love.’
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