Gratitude and Uncertainty

Sometimes, I yearn for the faith of my father.
  Through so much, he came.
  And, his faith never faltered.
  His gaze always held steady on his vision.

Recieving a series of messages of late,
  one to 'get out of my way';
  another that it is time to open my throat chakra;
  another to rest and care for my body;
  another to stay actively engaged in life
  even as I await my next call.

Yesterday, I had a flash of what it means to
  'get out of my way'.
  I was listening to the chatter in my head and
  witnessed as I lost my way, as the logic
  morphed into confusion,
  as the fragile confidence melted
  into self doubt, with self flagellation
  not far behind.

That's when I understood
  ways in which I stand in my own way.
  Gifting those thoughts and fears
  with my time and energy and heart
  robs me of the ability to live fully,
  clouds my eagle vision and closes my heart.

Opening my throat chakra is vitally important now.
  I remember when it was clear and strong and confident.
  I remember that I was articulate.
  And, I remember when I lost my voice.

Now, I stand, book in hand,
  and fear that it is not worthy of publication,
  feel overwhelmed with the publication process,
  and find my self stepping back from the call.

These traumas we experience in life
  do impact us in many, many ways.
  And, it seems that sometimes it takes
  years to heal the many layers of the grief.

What is amazing to me is that Spirit will
  guide us and hold us through that healing process.
  We will know when it is time to recognize that pain
  and to let it go.

The last lesson reaches to the core of my being...
  the desire, the will, the longing
  to make contributions, to give back to life.
  I so often equate that with vocational pursuits,
  and when I feel hindered in making those contributions
  I struggle.

So, Spirit sent me two reminders yesterday.
  I learned that one specific contribution I made
  has had broad and significant impact.
  As I wandered through the network into which my contribution
  was a part, I was overcome with gratitude and amazement.

The funny thing about the experience is that,
  I remember looking into the mirror of the hotel room
  and debating whether I would attend a meeting,
  because I felt I had nothing to offer.
  It was at that meeting that the journey began.

Then, Spirit gifted me with a vision about a friend.
  I shared it with him and witnessed the healing
  of which that vision was a part.
  'Stay engaged in life.  Don't just wait,' encourages Spirit.

So, enriched by these gifts of Spirit,
  and a heart once again filled with gratitude,
  I refocus my gaze from the old stories of failure and inability
  to the new and as yet untold possibilities
  gifted each moment from Spirit.

And, I take another step forward.