'That was the thing about Loveworthy. She never lost her innocence. She looked upon life as a child, full of wonder and curiousity and reverance. She could feel the sacred, always. Sacred was not a thing she "did on Sunday." It was a part of her walk, how she perceived the world, how she dealt with life. To her, it was all sacred.'
'Me. I'm not so lucky. I been through a lot in my years, seen a lot that I didn't want to see, you know? And, seeing all that stuff has a tendency to put a hard coat around your heart that grows crusty and thick over the years. Gets so you can hardly feel the beat of your own heart, so deep it is in that crusty black.'
'So, I been wondering of late. What is this thing "innocence"? Is it a thing that you only get once in life, before anything bad ever happens to you? Is it fated to be a mere memory of a distant past? And, if that's true, how could Loveworthy hold it so long?'
'I told this to some friends, and we decided to try to remember this thing innocence and see if we could feel it again, if it is possible to be innocent when you're an old woman.'
"So what is innocence?" I asked.
"Well" started Hazel, "It's my grandson in the playset. He's innocent."
"Yeah" joined Tomasina. "My grandchildren are innocent too. But, do you know any adults who are innocent?"
'That stopped us all. Course, we thought of Loveworthy, but who else? Try as we might, we couldn't come up with anyone else. So we decided to try a different approach. Perhaps, we thought, we didn't remember the definition of innocence. So, Hazel our book nerd, went and got her dictionary.
"Innocent...not guilty of a crime or offense" she offered.
"No, Hazel." claimed Rita. "We're not talking about that kind of innocence. We all have that kind of innocence, except Claire, of course." To that, Claire laughed and carefully started rolling another of those special "cigarettes" she so loved. "Yeah," Claire added. "Give us a different definition."
"OK, give me a second" said Hazel as she once again consulted her dictionary.
"Uncorrupted" said she. "Pure and uncorrupted by evil, sin, or experience of the world."
Looking knowingly at Tomasina, Rita smiled, "You remember that time in the treehouse with Shawn?!" While Tomasina blushed with a twinkle in her eye, Rita continued, "We've all had our 'treehouse' experiences. That definition rules out everyone but the priests...well, maybe! Try again, Hazel. What else does it say?"
"Naive....more trusting or naive than most people through lack of experience of life or failure to recognize the motives of others" continued Hazel.
"Ignorant of something...having very little or no knowledge of something" she finished.
'We sat silently for a while, pondering all those definitions, comparing them to our own lives, holding them as a flame to reveal the lives of others we had known. The silence lingered on and with it, a sense of dejection settled upon us. "How could it be" I wondered, "that among all us old women we couldn't find anyone aside from Loveworthy that stood up to those definitions?"
'Finally, Tomasina stated the obvious. "It's clear to me that innocence is something you are destined to lose. You are born with it and it dies as soon as you experience life. Some are lucky to keep their innocence longer, but others lose it just as soon as they enter this life!"
"Yeah. Just think how vulnerable you'd be if you didn't learn about the dangers in life" joined Hazel. "Ignorance is dangerous. You gotta know about hot stoves and dangerous men and dark alleys or you plain won't survive!"
'Drawing deeply on her "cigarette", Claire considered the thoughts of her friends. I loved the smell of those "cigarettes". One time, Claire convinced me to try one. I never laughed so hard in my whole life...cept that is, till the next time she offered me one! But, that's another story...
'Anyway, then Claire spoke what weighed heavy on all our hearts. "How can it be possible that we was all destined to lose innocence? The animals keep it. The children is born with it. We was all children one time. It feels like a death to me. I don't like that! Maybe, we just haven't figured it out yet. Don't you guys want it? Do you even remember how it felt?"
'At that, a light glinted in each woman's eyes as she reached far back to capture the long-gone feelings, to recall the innocence that was hers. We sat quietly for a long time, just reaching back and remembering...and smiling.'
"I remember" started Claire...
'Me. I'm not so lucky. I been through a lot in my years, seen a lot that I didn't want to see, you know? And, seeing all that stuff has a tendency to put a hard coat around your heart that grows crusty and thick over the years. Gets so you can hardly feel the beat of your own heart, so deep it is in that crusty black.'
'So, I been wondering of late. What is this thing "innocence"? Is it a thing that you only get once in life, before anything bad ever happens to you? Is it fated to be a mere memory of a distant past? And, if that's true, how could Loveworthy hold it so long?'
'I told this to some friends, and we decided to try to remember this thing innocence and see if we could feel it again, if it is possible to be innocent when you're an old woman.'
"So what is innocence?" I asked.
"Well" started Hazel, "It's my grandson in the playset. He's innocent."
"Yeah" joined Tomasina. "My grandchildren are innocent too. But, do you know any adults who are innocent?"
'That stopped us all. Course, we thought of Loveworthy, but who else? Try as we might, we couldn't come up with anyone else. So we decided to try a different approach. Perhaps, we thought, we didn't remember the definition of innocence. So, Hazel our book nerd, went and got her dictionary.
"Innocent...not guilty of a crime or offense" she offered.
"No, Hazel." claimed Rita. "We're not talking about that kind of innocence. We all have that kind of innocence, except Claire, of course." To that, Claire laughed and carefully started rolling another of those special "cigarettes" she so loved. "Yeah," Claire added. "Give us a different definition."
"OK, give me a second" said Hazel as she once again consulted her dictionary.
"Uncorrupted" said she. "Pure and uncorrupted by evil, sin, or experience of the world."
Looking knowingly at Tomasina, Rita smiled, "You remember that time in the treehouse with Shawn?!" While Tomasina blushed with a twinkle in her eye, Rita continued, "We've all had our 'treehouse' experiences. That definition rules out everyone but the priests...well, maybe! Try again, Hazel. What else does it say?"
"Naive....more trusting or naive than most people through lack of experience of life or failure to recognize the motives of others" continued Hazel.
"Ignorant of something...having very little or no knowledge of something" she finished.
'We sat silently for a while, pondering all those definitions, comparing them to our own lives, holding them as a flame to reveal the lives of others we had known. The silence lingered on and with it, a sense of dejection settled upon us. "How could it be" I wondered, "that among all us old women we couldn't find anyone aside from Loveworthy that stood up to those definitions?"
'Finally, Tomasina stated the obvious. "It's clear to me that innocence is something you are destined to lose. You are born with it and it dies as soon as you experience life. Some are lucky to keep their innocence longer, but others lose it just as soon as they enter this life!"
"Yeah. Just think how vulnerable you'd be if you didn't learn about the dangers in life" joined Hazel. "Ignorance is dangerous. You gotta know about hot stoves and dangerous men and dark alleys or you plain won't survive!"
'Drawing deeply on her "cigarette", Claire considered the thoughts of her friends. I loved the smell of those "cigarettes". One time, Claire convinced me to try one. I never laughed so hard in my whole life...cept that is, till the next time she offered me one! But, that's another story...
'Anyway, then Claire spoke what weighed heavy on all our hearts. "How can it be possible that we was all destined to lose innocence? The animals keep it. The children is born with it. We was all children one time. It feels like a death to me. I don't like that! Maybe, we just haven't figured it out yet. Don't you guys want it? Do you even remember how it felt?"
'At that, a light glinted in each woman's eyes as she reached far back to capture the long-gone feelings, to recall the innocence that was hers. We sat quietly for a long time, just reaching back and remembering...and smiling.'
"I remember" started Claire...
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