this story continues from Claire Voyyd, October 13, 2013
‘Rita!’ gasped Hazel. ‘I swear, you can take the sweet out of chocolate!’
‘What?!’ retorted Rita. ‘Claire shared the chocolate! I’m just savoring it!’
‘I’m sorry! But I just don’t see how sexual escapades have anything to do with innocence!’ objected Hazel.
‘My dear Hazel. You really have to live a little before your tired old body can’t rise to the challenge!’ challenged Rita, laughing.
‘hmph…,’ sighed Hazel, rolling her eyes in exasperation.
‘Hazel,’ Estelle chided, ‘You know better than to goad Rita like that! She gets your goat every time!’ Rita smiled smugly.
‘Well, I don’t get it!’ insisted Hazel. ‘Will someone please tell me what sex has to do with innocence!?’
‘I’ve been thinking,’ stated Tomasina, unruffled by the exchange. ‘Sex does have to do with innocence.’ Pausing to reconsider… ‘Yes, it absolutely does.’
‘What?!’ asked Hazel and Rita in concert.
‘Well, think of it this way. We were all born sexual beings…’ she started.
‘Cept Hazel,’ teased Rita.
‘It’s part of who we are,’ continued Tomasina, ignoring Rita. ‘It’s our physical make up. I know sex can be used to hurt people,’ she continued, glancing at Estelle. ‘But, in itself…and between people who love each other…it is a beautiful thing.’
‘You don’t have to love someone for sex to be beautiful' challenged Rita. 'God knows there’d be a lot fewer divorces if people could just get some without having to make all kinds of promises to boot!’
‘No, I mean it,’ claimed Rita. ‘I’ve had plenty of experiences where we didn’t play that game. We were just horny…okay, sorry Hazel. We were aroused. Is that better?’ she asked with a wicked grin.
‘That’s not what I was taught!’ retorted Hazel, growing ever more uncomfortable with the exchange, but unable to stop herself.
‘But, you don’t get it, Hazel,’ explained Rita. ‘Just because we didn’t love each other didn’t mean we were perverts. We had physical needs and we were attracted to each other. We had some fun and then moved on. I’m still friends with some of those guys.’
‘Yeah, I guess I’ve had a couple of those experiences,’ Tomasina reflected. ‘The sexual act was beautiful…but for me it was only when there was a shared respect for the other person.’
‘hmmm,’ she continued. So…then, are we saying that sex can be an expression of innocence?’
Estelle turned to Claire. ‘Claire,’ she said.
Claire’s eyes reflected the sea, her ‘cigarette’ smoldered in her hand.
‘Claire…’ spoke Estelle again.
Jolted from the dark wet, Claire struggled to refocus in the present. ‘Yeah?’
‘Claire,’ said Tomasina, gently. ‘Can you tell us how your story relates to innocence?’
‘That wasn’t the end of it,’ whispered Claire, eyes turning inward again.
‘Eww!’ started Rita, grinning mischievously, to which Estelle threw up her hand. Rita sat back, knowing better than to push Estelle.
‘I was swimming,’ offered Claire after a moment. ‘It was dark except that patch of moonlight on the water. I was following it, thinking that if I swam far enough I could finally catch it.
‘It was so quiet out there. The birds were asleep. No one was out there cept me… All I could hear was the splash of my arms against the waves. For awhile, I practiced dipping my arms into the water perfectly, so that I could swim without sound.
‘And then, I heard a big splash. It broke me out of that trance. You know you’re in trouble in southern California when you hear a sound like that! I have friends missing arms…’
The women gasped as one, ‘Oh my god!’ whispered Estelle.
‘So, I froze, partly cuz I thought that’s what you are supposed to do, but mostly cuz I couldn’t move. I, literally couldn’t move!
‘And, I couldn’t think. I couldn’t get my brain to work and I couldn’t move my body. I was really starting to freak!
‘In the moonlight, I saw it touch the surface of the water. It was swimming circles around me! It was then I had one of those moments you’ve heard about…you know, when you see your entire life in 2 seconds? I was sure I was gonna die…and I couldn’t do anything to stop it!’
‘Then, it turned. Started coming directly at me. I was trying desperately to get my arms to move, to clench a fist. I thought if I was going to die, I was going to go out fighting. I was going to punch that damn shark, right in the snout!
‘But I couldn’t move. And, it was getting closer.
‘And then I felt a spirit surround me. I realized it was the spirit that had lured me into the water. It was the light-on-the-waves. And, I felt a sense of peace that I can’t even start to describe. You know the one described in the Bible…the peace that passes understanding?
‘Well, that’s what it felt like, anyway.
‘And as that peace surrounded me, it melted the freeze that had captured my body. I could move again.
‘The shark was getting closer, but I no longer wanted to hit it. I just waited, feeling total peace and quiet.
‘At the last moment, I closed my eyes. I could see the moon-on-the-water inside my mind. I felt the wave from the approaching shark and heard his fin gliding through the water.
‘I waited…’
‘A moment later, it brushed against me. It was sleek and smooth and cold. I opened my eyes just as it turned its head.
‘We stared into each other’s eyes. It smiled at me. Then, it gently nudged its head under my arms.
‘And, I finally realized. It wasn’t a shark. It was a dolphin. It was holding me up in the water, making gentle sounds that I knew meant, “It’s okay.”
‘I held on to its fin, and feeling my grasp, it slowly started swimming, carrying me along in its wake…
‘It was the most incredible thing. I felt like I was flying, but in water! I was in the stars, gliding through the Milky Way, sliding down the rings of Saturn, perched on the North Star…
‘The dolphin brought me to a landing and after watching me climb to shore, it smiled again, that dazzling smile…and it left.
After a long, enraptured silence, Tomasina spoke, ‘Innocence…’
‘Yes,’ whispered Claire. ‘Innocence.’
‘Totally giving yourself over to life, right?’ posed Rita.
‘Allowing the possible to unfold,’ ventured Hazel.
‘Letting go old ideas,’ shared Estelle, ‘so you can see things fresh.’
‘Can we recapture that? After so many years? After all the heartaches and the sharks that really did bite?’ pondered Tomasina.
‘I guess that’s the question, then,’ stated Estelle. ‘Can we remember and bring back our own innocence?’
Eyes closed, breathing deeply to center herself,
‘OhhhKayyy then,’ started Tomasina.
‘Thanks. Claire.’ Pausing, ‘I’m
having a hard time seeing how this story fits with innocence.’
‘I don’t know,’ laughed Rita. ‘But I’m feeling like I need to go off and
finish this in private!’
‘Rita!’ gasped Hazel. ‘I swear, you can take the sweet out of chocolate!’
‘What?!’ retorted Rita. ‘Claire shared the chocolate! I’m just savoring it!’
‘I’m sorry! But I just don’t see how sexual escapades have anything to do with innocence!’ objected Hazel.
‘My dear Hazel. You really have to live a little before your tired old body can’t rise to the challenge!’ challenged Rita, laughing.
‘hmph…,’ sighed Hazel, rolling her eyes in exasperation.
‘Hazel,’ Estelle chided, ‘You know better than to goad Rita like that! She gets your goat every time!’ Rita smiled smugly.
‘Well, I don’t get it!’ insisted Hazel. ‘Will someone please tell me what sex has to do with innocence!?’
‘I’ve been thinking,’ stated Tomasina, unruffled by the exchange. ‘Sex does have to do with innocence.’ Pausing to reconsider… ‘Yes, it absolutely does.’
‘What?!’ asked Hazel and Rita in concert.
‘Well, think of it this way. We were all born sexual beings…’ she started.
‘Cept Hazel,’ teased Rita.
‘It’s part of who we are,’ continued Tomasina, ignoring Rita. ‘It’s our physical make up. I know sex can be used to hurt people,’ she continued, glancing at Estelle. ‘But, in itself…and between people who love each other…it is a beautiful thing.’
‘You don’t have to love someone for sex to be beautiful' challenged Rita. 'God knows there’d be a lot fewer divorces if people could just get some without having to make all kinds of promises to boot!’
‘Rita,’ scowled Estelle.
‘No, I mean it,’ claimed Rita. ‘I’ve had plenty of experiences where we didn’t play that game. We were just horny…okay, sorry Hazel. We were aroused. Is that better?’ she asked with a wicked grin.
‘That’s not what I was taught!’ retorted Hazel, growing ever more uncomfortable with the exchange, but unable to stop herself.
‘But, you don’t get it, Hazel,’ explained Rita. ‘Just because we didn’t love each other didn’t mean we were perverts. We had physical needs and we were attracted to each other. We had some fun and then moved on. I’m still friends with some of those guys.’
‘Yeah, I guess I’ve had a couple of those experiences,’ Tomasina reflected. ‘The sexual act was beautiful…but for me it was only when there was a shared respect for the other person.’
‘hmmm,’ she continued. So…then, are we saying that sex can be an expression of innocence?’
Estelle turned to Claire. ‘Claire,’ she said.
Claire’s eyes reflected the sea, her ‘cigarette’ smoldered in her hand.
‘Claire…’ spoke Estelle again.
Jolted from the dark wet, Claire struggled to refocus in the present. ‘Yeah?’
‘Claire,’ said Tomasina, gently. ‘Can you tell us how your story relates to innocence?’
‘That wasn’t the end of it,’ whispered Claire, eyes turning inward again.
‘Eww!’ started Rita, grinning mischievously, to which Estelle threw up her hand. Rita sat back, knowing better than to push Estelle.
‘I was swimming,’ offered Claire after a moment. ‘It was dark except that patch of moonlight on the water. I was following it, thinking that if I swam far enough I could finally catch it.
‘It was so quiet out there. The birds were asleep. No one was out there cept me… All I could hear was the splash of my arms against the waves. For awhile, I practiced dipping my arms into the water perfectly, so that I could swim without sound.
‘And then, I heard a big splash. It broke me out of that trance. You know you’re in trouble in southern California when you hear a sound like that! I have friends missing arms…’
The women gasped as one, ‘Oh my god!’ whispered Estelle.
‘So, I froze, partly cuz I thought that’s what you are supposed to do, but mostly cuz I couldn’t move. I, literally couldn’t move!
‘And, I couldn’t think. I couldn’t get my brain to work and I couldn’t move my body. I was really starting to freak!
‘In the moonlight, I saw it touch the surface of the water. It was swimming circles around me! It was then I had one of those moments you’ve heard about…you know, when you see your entire life in 2 seconds? I was sure I was gonna die…and I couldn’t do anything to stop it!’
Claire paused, frozen in the moment. The women held their breath, waiting.
‘Then, it turned. Started coming directly at me. I was trying desperately to get my arms to move, to clench a fist. I thought if I was going to die, I was going to go out fighting. I was going to punch that damn shark, right in the snout!
‘But I couldn’t move. And, it was getting closer.
‘And then I felt a spirit surround me. I realized it was the spirit that had lured me into the water. It was the light-on-the-waves. And, I felt a sense of peace that I can’t even start to describe. You know the one described in the Bible…the peace that passes understanding?
‘Well, that’s what it felt like, anyway.
‘And as that peace surrounded me, it melted the freeze that had captured my body. I could move again.
‘The shark was getting closer, but I no longer wanted to hit it. I just waited, feeling total peace and quiet.
‘At the last moment, I closed my eyes. I could see the moon-on-the-water inside my mind. I felt the wave from the approaching shark and heard his fin gliding through the water.
‘I waited…’
‘A moment later, it brushed against me. It was sleek and smooth and cold. I opened my eyes just as it turned its head.
‘We stared into each other’s eyes. It smiled at me. Then, it gently nudged its head under my arms.
‘And, I finally realized. It wasn’t a shark. It was a dolphin. It was holding me up in the water, making gentle sounds that I knew meant, “It’s okay.”
‘I held on to its fin, and feeling my grasp, it slowly started swimming, carrying me along in its wake…
‘It was the most incredible thing. I felt like I was flying, but in water! I was in the stars, gliding through the Milky Way, sliding down the rings of Saturn, perched on the North Star…
‘The dolphin brought me to a landing and after watching me climb to shore, it smiled again, that dazzling smile…and it left.
After a long, enraptured silence, Tomasina spoke, ‘Innocence…’
‘Yes,’ whispered Claire. ‘Innocence.’
‘Totally giving yourself over to life, right?’ posed Rita.
‘Allowing the possible to unfold,’ ventured Hazel.
‘Letting go old ideas,’ shared Estelle, ‘so you can see things fresh.’
‘Can we recapture that? After so many years? After all the heartaches and the sharks that really did bite?’ pondered Tomasina.
‘I guess that’s the question, then,’ stated Estelle. ‘Can we remember and bring back our own innocence?’
‘And one more question,’ offered Tomasina. ‘Assuming we want to bring back our
innocence, how would it benefit us now, having most of our lives behind us and
feeling more vulnerable than ever…’
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