Finding My Way Back

3 November 2010

Yes, we stand in our own way.
  The bane of our existence is our self.

It’s a lot of work to cleanse and keep cleansing.
  Have to take responsibility for yourself.
  Easier to blame others, to be angry,
  or to carry righteous indignation,
  as they all take the focus off oneself.

The other option is to focus on self – always asking
  ‘What is going on inside me now?’
  It’s work to face oneself.
  So much work to do.

Necessary to be diligent and always aware.
  Self is slippery, trying to get away from responsibility.
  Wants to take the easy path.
  Wants a break.

But, it’s a commitment to a way of life…
  to be always aware of self,
  misinformation created,
  protections inappropriately applied,
  separation tactics,
  fear hidden behind anger,
  disengagement cloaked as detachment
  indignation at others…

So many fault lines set by one’s self.
  So easy to trip over illusions created by one’s self.
  Amazing we get through a single day without tripping…
  or do we?

And the purpose???
  Trying to find our way back to God.
  Trying to learn and live our purpose.

I am here for a purpose.
  I am trying to find my way back to that purpose,
   blinded by the human form I have taken,
   trapped in the life experiences and perceptions
   of this being in which I reside.

I know now that I AM.
  I know that I chose this form.
  I know I accepted this path,
   committed to it long before entering this form.

I know that I remain committed to this path.
  It is who I am, why I am.
  I can no more say ‘no’ to it than I can
   to taking the next breath.
  This is not a matter of choice or will.
  It, quite simply, is

why I exist.