Called Inside, Once Again

'You're looking in the wrong tote,' she said.
  Tears alight in her blue eyes,
  'You have worked so hard going through those totes.'

I know.

My fingers are sore from the search.
  I have gone through each tote,
  dug so deep into each one,
  and now realize that
  I'm going through them again.

Did I, at some point,
  put everything back into them
  without even realizing it?

The growing awareness of
  'I've been here.  I've seen this.'
  But, nevertheless, drawing forth
  that which already has proven fruitless,
  painting on it a new facade,
  and sending it out to the world
  hoping,
  always hoping,
  it will bring home
  a different response.

Tired,
  No, exhausted,
  from the search.

'It's in the blue tote.'
  'You put it in the blue tote
  and forgot about it,' she says.

Blue tote?
  What the hell is the blue tote?
  Where is it?
  I have been searching,
  sometimes frantically,
  through all my totes!

I have pulled out and examined
  absolutely every skill and piece of knowledge
  I could remembr,
  every kind of work I've done,
  every strategy I've ever devised...

Yet, somehow I missed this blue tote.

What is it, this blue tote?
  And what treasure does it hide from me?

'Are you ready to see it now?' gentle, loving eyes implore.
  'Can you close the other totes?
  'Are you willing, finally, to let go the search?'