The Wise Crone

I am amused by this self.
  53 years and so much seeking, witnessing, learning.
  Yet still, I tread old paths...the ones I KNOW don't work.

And, I set foot upon them at exactly the moment
  when I am asked to reset my direction, alter my true north.
  Is this the human experience, or am I just an incredibly slow learner?

I have a vision of my self as an elder woman, the crone.
  I sit, wrapped in a shawl, upon my rocking chair.
  The chair's voice, creaky as my own, sings
  into the melting day.

I hear a laugh or remember a tear.
  So, I turn my head and glance over my shoulder.
  In the beyond, I see one of the many moments lived.

And, in the witnessing, I am at peace, content, happy.

For I know that, despite the agony or exhilaration of that moment,
  I lived it to the best of my ability...with all that I had...
  in the fullest expression of me.

When I am challenged by life to take another uncertain step,
  I visualize this wise old crone.  She inspires me to search within
  to find the most that I am and to courageously step into the unknown.

My gait is awkward and I get tangled up in my best intentions,
  but I step forward knowing that the wise old crone is smiling and saying,
  'She is doing her best.  And, it's not quite as serious as she thinks it all is!'