Step in When I Fall

Of my many fallibilities,
  I doubt, in the end,
  I'll be faulted for not trying hard enough.

The dents and bruises on my head
  attest to the persistent and sometimes
  bullheaded endeavors to 'get it right' or
  'make my life work'.

And for one who endeavors so hard
  to 'blaze the trail', 'find my way',
  'be a responsible co-creator'...

to hear the words, 'You are trying too hard.'
  is tantamount to saying, 'Don't be you.'

Coughing, sputtering, building the line of defense...
  spitting it out...'But, it is my responsibility!'
  'I'm supposed to care for myself.'
  'I can find my way!'
  'I will do it!'

Caught in the whirlwind of my own making,
  I, the whirling dervish, spin and push and spin faster.
  Bleeding, I wipe the blood from my eyes
  and push harder with deeper commitment...

until, inevitably, I crash.
  For one can hold that energy for only so long.

And then, I find my self in the oh-so-familiar-place
  of a substance less all its vital organs and structures,
  amoebic, heaped into a mass of misdirected intention.

And finally, I say, 'OK, I give.  Perhaps, it is not for me to decide.'
  'Perhaps, I need to hand it over, to release, to let go, to allow.'

And, I hope that spirit will take that invite quickly,
  for I am practiced at getting up from that place
  and pushing forward when I need to lie still.

Catch me, Spirit.
  Show me what I can not see.